I don't know why writing about graduation has been so tedious. Right now you're all thinking "clearly you don't want to admit that college is over and that you're now a grown up". Not true, I am fully ok with admitting that college is over. College was hard. Fun, but hard. I am very much alright with the fact that come September I'm not going back. Talk to me in September, and I might sing a different tune, but right now I am A-OK with being home and futureless.
Maybe it's for the best that I'm not going to write some giant graduation wrap up detailing all the events. It would probably bore you. It certainly bored me at times. Here are the basics of what you'll need to know. On Saturday Philadelphia's Mayor Nutter spoke to the crowd at Convocation. He gave one of the strangest speeches I've even heard, often times it sounded like he had written it down on a napkin on his way to the school, however I enjoyed it. It wasn't forced at all. He just sort of stood up there and shot the s*** to use a foul but very apt phrase. I was certainly amused. After Convocation we had Garden Parties where my friends Amanda and Chandlee put on a fantastic garden party for my family. We were, to my knowledge, the only party with balloon hats. After Garden Parties my family dressed up in really fancy clothes and went out to a really fancy restaurant in Philadelphia. Basically my sister and I treated graduation weekend like a fashion show with numerous dress changes. The food was fantastic and the waiter put a candle in my key lime pie, which is always fantastic.
Sunday was the big show. After brunch with the family, including my 93 year old grandmother who was quite the trooper today, we all packed up my room in an effort to make the post-graduation clean up as quick as possible. Caroline, OMP and Babunia went off to go reserve seats while Mom stayed behind to help me get pretty and to take 30,000 pictures. Upon going outside I realized that it was DAMN COLD. WOW, unexpected. I was definitely not prepared for it to be so cold outside. I lined up with my class and shivered as the wind blew against my legs. This did not bode well. As we marched into the giant tent on the green I was distressed to see that it was not warmer in there than it was outside. I sat down in my seat, saw all of the grad students in front of me and fully realized just how long this ceremony was going to be.
To give Bryn Mawr credit they didn't mess around. They got straight to the point of handing out the degrees and it moved as fast as a ceremony giving out as many degrees could. This didn't help the fact that Ari and I were sitting right next to the edge of the tent and weren't protected from the cold at all. California Ari was clearly in physical pain, while I was just mildly uncomfortable.
When it came time for my row to stand I felt some unexpected nerves. I'm not sure why I wasn't expecting to feel nervous, this was a major life moment, but I was thrown off by the pit in my stomach and shakes. I had imagined this moment for years. During every late night paper writing session, during every finals week, there has always been a moment where I've sat back and imagined myself grabbing that diploma. It's always been such a beautiful moment, everytime I've wanted to hand in a paper that was 3 pages when it should have been 10. Every page of a book that I've wanted to just forget and hope that it doesn't come up on the final. Every time I've wanted to quit (and believe me, there were PLENTY of times) the image of that diploma was always so vivid in my mind and I knew that the moment I finally grabbed it would be the most satisfying moment of my life.
I guess realizing that that moment was only moments away justified the nerves. As I inched my way up towards the podium the pit got stronger and stronger. I started stressing out, oh crap, don't be that girl that pukes on stage. In front of me someone's name was messed up, oh crap, what if they mispronounce my name. Alright, focus. No puking and no stressing out about your name. I got up there and as soon as the professor with the fabulous British accent began to announce my name everything went silent. I know, it sounds cliched but it was like a movie. I didn't hear him announce my name. I didn't hear the applause from the crowd. I didn't even look the president in the eye. I zeroed in on that diploma and I walked across the stage to get it. I looked at President McAuliffe as I took hold of my degree and the volume on life came back just in time to hear her say "Excellent Job, Marianna". I'm ashamed to say I don't think I thanked her but rather just smiled and nodded. For the first time in four years I had that diploma that I had so frequently envisioned in my hands. I could feel it. It was real and it was mine.
Post graduation was all a blur, pictures were taken, hugs were had, room was packed, party at home was celebrated. In every picture that has gradually appeared on facebook since, however, the biggest, most beautiful smile has been on my face. I didn't want graduation to be such a big deal. People who need commencement ceremonies to feel good about their accomplishments are tools who require praise and ridiculous ceremonies. But it truly was a special moment. Maybe because imagining that moment has been what got me through Bryn Mawr. I so rarely fully accomplish my goals. I'm not the type to fail, but until college I rarely allowed myself to struggle. I struggled at Bryn Mawr, frequently, but for some strange reason I wouldn't allow myself to settle for comfort this time. To settle for C's or mediocracy. I didn't exactly end with a 4.0 (Let's make that clear, by no means did I end with a 4.0 or anything close to a 4.0) but I earned every grade I got. I was the president of a club, a hall advisor and held a bunch of different jobs on campus. I gave architecture tours on parents weekend and served on panels on prospective students weekend. While ending with a sub-4.0 grade, I definitely earned my Bryn Mawr degree.
To sum it up, while I hate to be a tool......commencement felt pretty damn good.
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