Tool Update

My Penn class is just full of underrated hilarity. I've narrowed the tools that come to that class down to two. Tool number 3 and 4 I believe. Tool number 1 has stopped coming to class. Tool number 2 is actually just a lazy guy who wears dirty shirts and ripped jeans and tool number 5 is actually really attractive when he takes his glasses off.

Tool number 3 was the one that showed up to class that first night in a blazer and khakis. Tool number 4 was the one that I enjoyed because he panicked and shouted out "FIRE TRUCK" when asked a question. He has joined his partner in toolishness and now shows up to class wearing a blazer and khakis. They also wear matching fraternity pins. When questioned about their outfits they simply responded that it was "formal Tuesday". Well then. 

As I was getting ready to go down to class yesterday I noticed that it was the night of the Penn-Princeton basketball game. It's no secret to anyone that reads this blog that I have a strange love for Princeton basketball games. Not sure why, but it's always been something I have enjoyed. The Penn game is technically the biggest game of the season, so the fact that I forgot it was game day was a bit surprising. The idea that I was going to be pretending to be a Penn student while this was going on made me a little angry, so I threw on an orange shirt and black sweater just to piss some people off. 

I got to class and sat down, no one even noticed me let alone my color choices. I figured as much, this is a very prissy class. Then our favorite tools walk in. Tool number 4 is wearing a blue blazer and red pants, Penn colors. He goes over to his seat across the room and casually glances over at me. All of a sudden I hear a thud as his backpack hits the ground hard. I look over and he's staring at me with a look of disgust. I make eye contact and smirk. This makes him even more angry as it became clear that I was not wearing these colors by accident. He hits his little buddy and motions to me and mutters "what the fuck". I turn my attention to the front of the room, just play it cool. Orange and black might not be the coolest color combination, but at least I'm not wearing red pants. 

My "professor" (this is in quotes because he still hasn't even bothered to learn our names and hasn't actually revealed his credentials yet other than the fact that he's a member of the Screen Actors Guild) got things started and out came the laptops. I had noted in the beginning of the class that a couple of people brought their laptops and that they were all brand spanking new macs. Five weeks into the term there are now 11 laptops...ALL BRAND NEW MACS. My year old mac would be considered extremely out of date in this class. The best is that the room is surrounded by large windows and at night the light from the computers reflects off of them. So the "professor" is able to see that 11 of his students are watching tv and checking their e-mail throughout class. Another reason I would hate to be a professor.

Across the room I see tool number four pull out a laptop. He hasn't brought a laptop to class all semester. I realize that he's planning on following the game and that I can sort of see his laptop through the reflection on the window. Score. We still have an hour until the game begins, so tool number 4 and I have to pay attention. 

I enjoy Penn classes because the topics are always so different and more practical than what we get at Bryn Mawr. I hate Penn classes because sometimes they are really just 3 hour long trivia sessions. The Penn kids will throw out random trivia facts about the subject at hand, so while it seems like they're really intelligent and involved in the conversation, they're actually just really damn good after going to trivia night at the bar for the past 4 years. Screw this, I know a HUGE amount of trivia, I'm going to get in on the fun. 22 years of listening to OMP, a Penn alum and thus a master at trivia, has left me with some good "did you know" information. My "professor" asked us where the original Levittowns were and after someone said "New York and Bucks County" I was able to blow everyone away with "And of course New Jersey, but that's now Willingboro". BAM! Cue awe and amazement. I can play your games.

I give a glance to tools number 3 and 4. They're motioning towards me and my friend Ari and writing notes to each other. We do the same for them. I wonder if they're writing about what tools Ari and I are. Ari writes a quick note that next week we will have to come dressed up like them, I'm so excited. 

"Professor" then pops in a video made by the Philadelphia Planning Commission in the early 1960's that describes their plans for the complete redevelopment of the city. To my utmost delight the first person to pop up is Edmond Bacon, previously mentioned in my documentary night recap of "My Architect". Ed Bacon is without a doubt my current hero. According to OMP he was also a good friend of my grandfather, henceforth referred to as VOMA (Very Old Man Al). I literally squeal with delight, much to Ari's delight. Totally awesome video that details every change that we now know today. A really interesting look at the plans for Penn Center which completely failed. The shopping esplanade is now just a Popeyes and a newstand. The open air cafes are walled off so that the homeless can't sleep there. Really just a fascinating look at the plans for Philadelphia. Also some cool shots of Society Hill before the redevelopment, that place really was a dump. 

I notice that it's 7 o clock and look over to tool number 4. He is looking at me with a look that definitely says "Bring it". I crack up. He looks embarrassed that I caught him staring me down. I wonder if he knows we're the only two people who don't actually play the game that still seem to have interest in this rivalry. I try to peer into the window behind him to catch the reflection of the scores, but tool number 3's enormous head is in my way. Dammit, foiled again. He catches me looking right behind him, he seems creeped out that I'm staring at him but not making eye contact. Understandable. 

I bring my attention back to the professor, occasionally stealing glances at the tools to try and judge how the game is going by their reactions. About 15 minutes after the game begins I see their faces start to mold into looks of disgust and horror. SCORE. I will later find out this was when Princeton was up by 10. The professor lets our class out and I head over to my friends house for dinner and television. I assume that since the tools looked so disgusted everything was going great for me, so I settled in for 3 hours of Housewives of Orange County and New York.

An hour in I get a text from my mom informing me of Princeton's loss. Balls. At least I won the battle, we'll see who eventually wins the war. I didn't have time to be concerned, however, Jill had given an interview to the NY Post trashing Simon, husband of Alex and I needed to make sure that they would all still be friends in the end. Cable TV, my one true love.

Partying it up, DC style

On Thursday I had this conversation with my friend Sarah

Sarah: what are you up to this weekend?

Me: Going to DC to visit my sister

Sarah: Oh wow, Monday's blog post is going to be the greatest ever

I'll try, Sarah, I'll try. This is going to be a long entry, don't feel bad if you have to do it in stages.

I woke up at the crack of dawn (fine, it was 7:00am, not that early) to get myself down to Philly and onto a Chinatown bus. I got to the city just fine, however I had to circle the block a few times to find the bus. I stopped at one of the other Chinatown busses for directions and the guy shut the door in my face saying something that sounded suspiciously like "They went out of business last week". Lies, all lies. But I freaked out anyway. I found a group of people standing in line near where I was supposed to meet my bus, so I joined them. A bus pulled up, but not one with our company's name on it. Everyone looked at each other quizzically before we all decided "ah screw it" and got on the bus. Really, we're a bunch of winners. We took off at precisely 9:00 and I settled in for a nice, easy ride to DC. 

If anyone remembers Friday it was very windy. As our bus teetered from side to side all I could think about was the van training test that I know so well that states "never operate these vehicles in high winds". If 11 passenger vans should not be operated during high winds, then I highly doubt large coach busses should be driving. Crossing the bridge over the Chesapeake might have been one of the most terrifying moments of my life.

Once we hit Baltimore our driver pulled into a truck stop to let some people off/pick some people up. Behind us lights started flashing and a guy who was sort of a cop cut the driver off. I say sort of a cop because I'm pretty sure he was just private security, but for the sake of a better story lets say he was a state trooper. The cop made the driver exit the bus and asked to see identification. He wouldn't let the people off of the bus nor could others get on. Apparently the driver was trespassing on private property and had been previously warned not to do this. All I could think was "crap, I'm going to be stuck at a shady truck stop in Baltimore, how am I going to get myself out of this mess". Luckily, the fake cop has no actual power and couldn't do anything so we were allowed to carry on our way. 

I made it to DC and was able to get a cab to Caroline's apartment right away. I noticed this for the rest of my weekend, getting a cab in DC is remarkably easy, unlike Philly where you practically have to jump in the vehicle while it speeds by in order for them to notice you. I pulled out Caroline's detailed instructions and gave her address to the driver. "Ah" He said "You're new to the city! You look like a tourist!". Really? You mean even though I've taken numerous classes on cities at my suburban PA college I still look like a country bumpkin when I go someplace new? My degree is really worthless. Anyway, yes, I do look like a tourist, subtlety has never been my strong point.

He brings me up to my sisters place, which will henceforth be referred to as Gatsby's manor. The lobby of her apartment is covered in marble, with columns and everything. Of course she lives in someplace like this. She's still at school, so I drop my stuff off at her apartment and then head out to explore. A sign right outside her building tells me that the zoo is just a few blocks down. SCORE! I love the zoo. I want to run the zoo someday. The DC zoo is free. I practically run there I'm so excited. 

I'm even more excited when I realize that it's a February afternoon, my favorite time to go to the zoo. It's practically deserted, and there's not a school group in sight! I begin my slow meandering, but really I'm just looking for the panda. That's the main draw of the zoo, the panda. How often do you get to see a panda! Instead of going straight to the panda like everyone else, I follow the path through the asian animal exhibit as that's what the zoo wants you to do, I can respect that. Most of the animals are off of display, however, because it's still a little nippy. Oh well. The otters (I did not know they were asian) put on a good show for me, so that was enjoyable. I finally made it to the panda and found her sleeping on a rock. She didn't look too happy. She was cuddling with her ball, which was adorable. Really, though, nothing too exciting, I've seen her before. In the distance I spot the loves of my life, the elephants. I love elephants and believe that every zoo should have one. This belief has gotten me in trouble with our own local zoo, but whatever, it also got me my own private tour of the zoo so I think that was a win-win situation. The DC zoo is currently redoing their elephant house, however, so I had to take the long way to see the elephants as the usual path was cut off. I finally got down there and realized that one was an adolescent elephant. So cute. After I was done with them I thought about what to do next, I had seen the elephants and the panda, the two things I had come to see, where else should I go? 

I kept walking down the path and went into the different houses. The small mammal house had some cute animals including a few meercats that were suspiciously close to digging out of their enclosure. There was a hole forming that really just needed a few good scratches and they'd be on their road to freedom. The ape house had two gorilla brothers wrestling, always cute. Plus the mother had just had a baby a month ago. I couldn't see the baby because she kept it hidden from the crowd, but still cute knowing there was a baby gorilla in there. 

As I left the ape house I saw a sign "Komodo Dragons, this way". That sounds exciting. I followed the path down behind the reptile house. I noticed that no one else was coming down. It was getting quiet and isolated. I was worried. Komodo dragons are crazy, they eat deer, I was convinced one was just going to jump out at me and eat me. I got down to their enclosure and I couldn't see any. I assumed the dragon was inside for the winter. Just as I was about to leave one crept out from behind a bush. I jumped and screamed, those things are effing huge. I ran out of there and into the invertebrate house to recover. 

I finished up the zoo with some lions, tigers and seals, before deciding to head back to Caroline's place to get ready to go out. I got back to her place and immediately discovered that she has cable and that The OC was on Soapnet. Around 4:30 I get a call from her "Hey...are you coming over?" oh crap! Just as Oliver was about to hold Marissa hostage in his hotel penthouse I had to switch it off and jump into some going out clothes. Caroline had told me to wear going out clothes because we would probably head straight out from her friends house. I get a cab to Georgetown and run down into her preppy little bar to discover her and her friends sitting around in sweats and t-shirts. Dammit Caroline! We have some beers, I meet some friends, lovely. We then go back to her place for dinner and to get ready to go out, but instead fall asleep on her sofa watching Step Brothers. Oh well, we tried to be cool. 

SATURDAY

We woke up on Saturday and explored the world of her tivo. I always forget how much I love non-channel 10 tv. She made us a huge stack of pancakes and told me to 'eat up, I don't know when we're going to eat next'. When Caroline says this it's a threat, you really don't know when you're going to eat next. I chow down on more pancakes than I've ever seen in my life just to be safe. C-dawg had a meeting at school so we head over there. As we're walking through a park I marvel at the families.

Me: Wow, Washington DC families are just so perfect

Caroline: *dreamy voice* I know, I fit in so well here....

Always modest, she is. I head off to the shopping area of Georgetown while she heads up to school. While I have no need for a new dress, I find an adorable one in H&M and pick that up. Carolines still not ready so I continue to wander around. My throat hurt for some reason and swallowing was becoming difficult. I get a "smoothie" from a food court stand. It was basically flavored water. Not helpful. Eventually Caroline texts me to say that shes ready, so I walk up a few blocks to meet her.

Our afternoon activity was going to be keeping score at the basketball game. No, not THE Georgetown basketball game, the Ultimate 4 business school charity basketball tournament. How exciting does that sound. Caroline had called me earlier in the week to ask if this was ok with me. Here's how that went.

Caroline: You like basketball, right?

Me: We both know the answer to this question

Caroline: How would you like to keep score at the business school basketball game

Me: ummm, you know I usually get paid to do that, right? Are you going to pay me?

Caroline: Men, there will be lots of men

Me: Oh, in that case, sure!

Remember a few entries ago when I called myself the Michael Phelps of speedwalking? Well Caroline is the Usain Bolt of speedwalking. Together we hightailed it to the gym, me practically jogging next to her while she zigged and zagged in and out of pathways along the campus. I might have been panting by the time we got there, I'm not ashamed to admit it. We got ourselves set up for the first game and I went on a little bit of a power trip. I am an effing professional scorekeeper, no one was giving me crap. Caroline got to struggle with the electronic scoreboard which I stayed away from because it looked to complicated. I stuck to the paper scoresheets instead. The first game was between Georgetown and another school. I forget who. Georgetown won that pretty easily and without any major problems. One guy did get a technical foul, which we don't usually get at the Bryn Mawr games so I got really excited about that. The highlight of this game came when Caroline tried to buzz in a player from the Wharton team who was just walking by because he had the same color uniform as Georgetown. I got a good laugh out of that.

The next game was between UCLA and Pitt. Caroline and I immediately didn't like Pitt because instead of numbers they had vegetables on their backs. So we would have to mark fouls as "celery" and "turnip" or the incorrectly spelled "potatoe". The UCLA guy noticed that we didn't like them and tried to use it to his advantage, filling out a scorecard perfectly and being polite. It worked, Caroline and I both fell in love with him. We were unabashedly rooting for UCLA, until their players started to yell at us. The game got pretty close the final minutes and people began to question our scorekeeping skills. One UCLA guy with anger issues started trying to tell us that we were off. I am usually a doormat when confronted, but don't mess with my scorekeeping abilities. I looked him (and he was a very very large man both in height and girth) square in the eye and told him that the score was correct. Felt good, felt reallllll good. Eventually Pitt won, which we were both ambivalent about and Caroline had us speed walking again to her friends house. 

Along the way we had to stop and pick up champagne because apparently that's what they wanted to drink. Caroline put three bottles of Andre on the counter and was told by the cashier that if she bought three more she would get a 10% discount. Who can argue with that! Everyone, everyone can argue, that is in no way a deal. But we went for it anyway. So now we're speedwalking up a hill with six bottles of champagne. We pull off briefly to buy some rice crispie treat makings because Caroline bakes like a banshee. We get to her friends apartment to find them well on their way to intoxication, we pop open the champagne and join them.

Caroline's friends can be described perfectly through this interaction I heard two of them having over drinks on Friday:

Friend 1: Hey man, my brother's pledging Alpha Psi (whatever, it was a fraternity of some sort), wasn't that the one you were in?

Friend 2: Uhhh, I was on the sailing team. Is he joining the sailing team?

A very preppy bunch. We spend some time hanging out, laughing, very nice group of people. Caroline brings out a pan of rice crispie treats, which people just dig into rather than cutting into squares, it works. After a glass of champagne I realize that I will be brutally sick in the morning if I continue on that path so I switch over to beer. Somehow I end up with a glass of champagne by the end of the night and a headache in the morning, so oh well, my plan failed. After a few hours of hanging out at their apartment we head down the road to another friends house for more hanging. Caroline is popular, very popular, it's hilarious. I begin to worry because it's getting late and I'm not dressed for going out. Yesterday Caroline made me dress up when we didn't go out at all, now I look like an Old Navy advertisement and it looks like we're going out. She assures me that I look fine, that we were just going to a bar and that I didn't need to look cute. Ok, that's cool. Right before we leave, however, she grabs me and says "I'm running back to Kellys, I'm going to steal some of her clothes so that I can look cute". My sister is a jackass. 

So she looks adorable in a black skirt and shirt while I look like her 12 year old kid sister in my cords and striped t-shirt. We get to the bar and it's just a weird experience seeing all of the basketball players out of their jerseys. I see "Celery" and other players that gave us a hard time and I feel myself shaking my head in their general direction. The bar was fun, but I was tired and my throat was sore. I'm also really, really lame and can't handle social interaction. A little before midnight I go to the bathroom and decide that I need to leave. This is one of my less attractive drinking moments, I make sudden decisions to go home. I do it to my friend here all the time. I go up to Caroline and tell her that I need to go. She tosses me her keys and I go on my way. In the morning we will both realize that that was poor decision making on both of our parts there. I shouldn't just leave bars and she shouldn't let her drunk little sister loose with her house keys. The lessons you learn. 

I got back to her apartment just fine. Unfortunately I had left my phone at the bar in my coat, and Caroline had realized that I had just randomly left and was calling me. She panicked like a good sister when I didn't pick up my phone and came home to find me in the shower. I always have to shower after I come home from the bar, another strange quirk. It led to this great exchange the next morning.

Me: I'm sorry I suddenly left last night, it's one of my strange quirks

Caroline: No, that's fine, what was really strange though was...

Me: I also shower when I'm drunk

Caroline: Yea, that one's weird. 

She's a good sister. 

SUNDAY

I woke up on Sunday to the champagne headache that I knew was coming. I huddled under my blanket for another half hour trying to convince myself that I wasn't awake. It didn't work, my head still hurt. Steve, Caroline's roomate's boyfriend came into the living room and sat down. We stared at each other, he also looked like he had a rough night. Glasses of water were poured and cable tv turned on. 

Caroline and I eventually made our way out to brunch. I can't wait to be a yuppie. Brunch is really just a fantastic meal. We went to the "hippest place in DC" as I overheard someone saying for some great eggs and bacon. We sat in between two strange groups. On one side were two guys that clearly worked in the movie business somehow. One of them kept trying to impress the others with what movies he worked on. He threw out "oh yea, well of course I worked on Transformers". HA! Not going to impress me, sucker. 

On the other side was a guy eating a sandwich and another guy who wasn't eating but had a walkie-talking plugged into his ear. Halfway through the guys meal he got up and was replaced 5 minutes later by another guy with a walkie-talkie. Strange. The food was good, but right when we got it a jazz band started playing. Live saxophone music is not good hangover music. 

We walked back to her apartment, it was a really beautiful day. I think I'm going to look for jobs in DC, I really liked the city. I had to run down to Chinatown to catch my bus back, however, so I really couldn't explore. I got to Chinatown with a half hour to spare. I went to the address on my ticket and found a house with some chairs in front of it. Uh, ok, I guess this is my stop. After about 15 minutes I was still the only one there. I did a lap around the block to see if there was another stop somewhere and found nothing. I went inside the house to find that it was the stop of a DIFFERENT Chinatown bus. The guy told me the stop I was looking for was two blocks away and that I had better run there to catch the bus. Another guy had come in looking for the bus so the two of us raced over to catch it. There we found a line going around the corner, far more people than can fit on a bus. The bus came and it was determined that there were two busses, one going to Philly and one going to New York. I was pretty sure that this was the one going to Philly so I got on. 

Just as we were going through Delaware we turned and went over the bridge into NJ. Oh no, oh no, I'm on the New York bus, aren't I! The kid next to me has the same realization. We all start freaking out. Nope, turns out they're just taking a "different" route, one that goes through Cherry Hill. I'm starving by this point. The amount of fried chicken places we've passed is ridiculous and all I can think is how much I want fried chicken. I know there is a Popyes in the train station, so I tell myself if I have enough time I can get Popyes. 

We finally pull into Philadelphia. I race into Market East station and find that Popyes is closed. Not only that but i have only 5 minutes to buy a ticket and get on the train to Bryn Mawr. I just make it, collapse onto the train and head home. 

An exhausting weekend, but tons of fun nonetheless. A weekend with Caroline is a guarenteed good time.

The otters put on a good show
Look at her cuddling her ball, so cute
Fences that got in my way...but it's ok, the elephants are going to have a nice new home
Elephants!

Keep digging meerkat! You're so close to victory!
Terrifying komodo dragon
"Won't the apes escape? Hopefully not!" That doesn't sound too reassuring
Roar! This guy was hungry and was pawing at the door of the cat house for his lunch
I spin the wheel......

Hey-o! I killed an antelope! I think that means I win?
Adorable lion
This guy was passed out, snoring at the top of his lungs. Hilarious
Beavers are one of those animals that are surprisingly awesome to see up close. I always forget how cool they are
Caroline is a good sister who has the calendar I made her up on her door

The Most Epic Doc Night Ever...kinda.

We're taking a break from the usual Doc Night format for reasons that will become clear soon.

To explain last night's Doc Night we have to go back a few weeks. The original Doc Night crew came out of the Five o'Clock Special crew. Since the first night we all met freshman year, we have been eating dinner at five o'clock on the dot. Failure to show at five is one of the greatest sins you can commit. 

A few weeks ago we were leaving dinner at around 5:40 when we noticed a poster where the announcements of specialty dinners are usually placed. As Bryn Mawr is dealing with the recession by cutting out every aspect of food that they give us until all we're left with is non-organic peanut butter and the waffle bar, there were no "fun dinner" announcements up. Instead the board has become a regular bulletin board, with posters of upcoming activities. We noticed that there was a notice up from the Hepburn Foundation (Katherine Hepburn is our most famous, nay, our only notable, alum) promoting a documentary that would be shown in February. We all crowded around, "Hey! We love documentaries!" we all exclaimed (in unison, like a Disney movie) to each other. I checked the date "Gee Golly! (remember, Disney movie)" I exclaimed "It's on a Wednesday too!". It was fate. Bryn Mawr was sponsoring their own documentary night, during documentary night time. To say we were excited would be a gross understatement. 

We anxiously  began to await the king of documentary nights. We researched the film online, found out that it was about a filmmaker who lives with four actors in LA and films them constantly while they try and get jobs. In a strange twist of fate, three of them become (in their words) incredibly famous (read: I saw them and said "Oh dammit, what was he in again..."). Paige took it one step further and contacted the head of the Hepburn Foundation, who is one of her professors, and told her that she was the president of the Bryn Mawr Documentary Society and we would love to meet the director and producer if possible. Done and done, her prof was THRILLED with the idea and a meeting was arranged. And THAT is how we became a real club!

Yesterday I stopped by Paige's room before heading over to the meeting. We began getting the text messages "sorry, I can't make it" "I have class" "I'm in LA" "I don't go to Bryn Mawr". We didn't actually get the text messages, I thought it added a nice touch, but those were the excuses we got for why people couldn't make it. Paige and I sat alone in a room in the Psychology building, panicking about how we were going to keep conversation going. Luckily, Catherine and Elizabeth showed up as well. We were worried, though, how would a producer and director feel if they showed up and there were four people there. Luckily it was not problem at all. The director, Tony, and producer, name to be determined later, were great people. They were delighted to talk to us about documentaries and this movie in general. We discussed what goes into the thought process of making a documentary, how documentaries have changed with reality tv and youtube and the psychological toll that separating yourself from your subjects can have on you. This is totally awesome, we're not a real club, we're just some lazy college kids with a Netflix account. How often do you get to pull the director of a movie aside and say "hey, listen, I have some questions". It would have been better if we could have seen the movie first, but it was still great.

We were really excited to see the movie later that night. As the time grew closer I felt myself getting  a little ill. Ever since dinner my stomach had been off and I kept getting woozy. I shook it off. Paige came to get me and we scampered off to the movie. Megan pulled out a big bag of M&Ms and Paige pulled out a pack of Junior Mints. I couldn't bring my laptop so I had a notebook on my lap to document Doc Night by hand. We were ready to go.

The producer gave the introduction speech that night, Megan was pleased as she was worried that we wouldn't have a starting speech as per usual. A very professional and well done speech, although I could have used a bit more humor. 

The movie starts and the lights go all the way down. Crap. I can't write in the dark. I decide to try and write anyway, we'll see how it turned out in the end. The camera starts and it's less than professional work. Tony appears to employ the same quick turnaround move that I operated our own video camera with when I was 8. Remember when I said I was woozy before? The feeling in my stomach comes back. We meet the guys, some guy I don't know, the guy from October Sky that's not Jake Gyllenhaal, Brad Rowe (who I recognize but can't for the life of me think of what he's in) and Wes Bently from American Beauty. As the movie goes on only one thing becomes clear to me, Wed Bently circa when this movie was made is gorgeous. Also a good, sweet guy. The other guys are a bit out of it, full of themselves, Wes Bently is introspective, kind and has a killer smile. Tony keeps up the jolty camera work and also adds a new shot where he zooms in on someones face so that the whole screen is filled up with face, but the face is jumping around because he can't hold a camera still. 

About an hour into the movie it all goes downhill. I start having to close my eyes because I'm just too motion sick. The movie was good, but it wasn't that good. Against everything that I stand for regarding Doc Night I realize that i have to leave or else the entire lecture hall is going to see what I had for dinner. I drop my notebook and skidaddle on out of there. The cool air outside the library snaps me back to reality. As I walk back to my room I hang my head in shame. I couldn't handle the most epic Doc Night ever.

Hot Times for the Bryn Mawr Squash Club

If you remember from an entry a few months ago, the squash club was coachless last semester. Over winter break I continued the search for a coach and after a bunch of rejections a club called me back to say "yea, sure, we can do it" *actual quote*. Awesome. E-mails and phone calls were exhanged, contracts negotiated and BAM, a man named Mike was deemed our coach. I tried to google Mike but got nothing more than squash results from matches he had played in. I was able to deduce that he was British, and an acceptable squash player. I e-mailed our former coaches to see what they knew about him. Wendy, our first coach, still couldn't get past the idea that Sue, the woman who was our coach for, no joke, one week two years ago, wasn't still our coach. No word from our other coach, but he dropped off the face of the earth awhile ago so I wasn't really expecting anything. 

I had no way to base this, but I decided that he was probably around 50, small, with dark brown hair. Nice guy, but quiet. Wasn't going to stay with us long after he realized how bad we were. Basically it was like getting myself prepared for a date. I was convinced that after one meeting we'd be back to square one.

Yesterday was the day we were to meet "Mike". Just as I was heading off to dinner my phone rang.

Me: Hello?

Phone: Hi this is Bill from the squash club, is this Marianna?

Me: *I thought our coach's name was Mike...* Oh hi! Yea, it is

Bill: Great, I have Mike with me, he wants to talk to you *phone fumbles as it's passed over*

Alright, that's strange. That's what you do when you call the boy you like at a sixth grade sleepover. "Hi Matt? This is Marianna from across the street, I have Kelsey on the line hee hee hee hee heee" (You can tell this story is a lie as I refused to acknowledge that Kelsey was my friend until at least 9th grade.)

So apparently Mike can't use a phone. That's not a good start. We have a lovely conversation about what I expect to happen at squash. I try and make jokes, he does not pick up on them. It's fantastic all around

Mike: So how many people do you expect tonight? You said 8?

Me: Uh, well, it's probably going to be around 5. The plague is going around school so a lot of people have called out sick tonight

Mike: THE PLAGUE?!?!?!?!

Me: Not the...actual...plague...no....

Mike: Oh, oh alright then, that's fine, you scared me there.

Oh jesus. I hung up the phone and began panicking. I would be thrilled it 5 people showed. My co-prez had called out sick and I didn't know how many people were sticking with us this semester. What if only I show up and its just Mike and me staring at each other. Then there's the whole problem that Mike can't work a telephone and believe that Bryn Mawr is suffering from an epidemic of the bubonic plague. He doesn't sound too bright. When I shared this story with my fellow squash players one responded "you shouldn't joke about the plague around the British, they take it seriously."

7:30 rolled around and I went down to the bus (we play at the 'Ford), freaking out the whole way. No one was at the bus stop when I got there. "Oh God, oh God, oh God" I start muttering. Then within a minute a hoard of squash players from past and present flood the stop (by hoard I mean 6). THANK THE LORD. Ok, I can breathe again. A few people had come last semester and I knew. Two had come second semester last year while I was abroad so I didn't know them, and one was starting new that night. Excellent group. 

We got there and started to claim our courts. Down at the first court a guy sat and just sort of looked at us before going onto another court. We didn't really think twice about it. I started making fun of my phone conversation with Mike to the group, we all laughed, har har. Carrie, who had come last year, yells at me for letting the old coach leave. "He was cute!" she exclaims. I disagree. Just as we stepped on the court the guy came back out, "I'm sorry, are you looking for Mike? I'm Mike". Silence. The Bryn Mawr Squash Club puts their racquets down and stares at the glory that is Mike. Alright, alright, he's by no means STUNNING, but he is DAMN cute. Freckles, a sweet little smile, NOT 50. We all just sort of nod. Carrie quickly forgets the previous coach. Anything Bryn Mawr has taught us about being strong women who don't cave under the presence of a man is thrown out the window. 

Mike is clearly concerned about the prospect of 7 college aged women. "Uhhh, alright" he begins...."What do you usually do". Everyone looks at me. Crap, I have to talk. "Uhhh, well....haha....that's sort of up in the air". What? What does that even mean? I try to recover "Um, well we usually stretch...then hit the ball for awhile...then play some games". Mike looks pained. He takes a deep breath and makes us go run around the court. Aye Aye Captain! We gladly run to show Mike how in shape we are. We're not. At all. Mike then has us pick up our racquets and show him our grips. I spent the last semester perfecting everyones grips. If there is one thing I have to show for my coaching it's that everyone should have fantastic grips. No one can remember how to grip a racquet with Mike smiling at us, not even me. Needless to say when he starts feeding us balls we start hitting them all over the place because everyone is looking at him rather than at the ball. Oh jeez, this might have been a bad decision. 

By the second round of balls I get my act together and hit a fairly good shot. Mike gives me a suspicious look. The rest of the girls take their shots, all of them are getting their act together, Mike begins to breathe easier. 

By the end of the night we're playing matches. Since we had an odd number one of us had to sit out each round. During my turn to sit out Mike stands next to me and says "um.....you've....played before haven't you, unlike everyone else here". A simple question. I can't handle one on one interaction with the only non-Haverboy I've seen in weeks. So I just chuckle. Silence.  Mike is confused and being the nice British boy that he is tries again to make conversation. "So, what are you studying here?" Oh no, ohnoohnoohno, not that question. I take a deep breath "uhhhhhhhhhh, uhh,  it'scalledGrowthandStructureofCities andit'sastrangemajorthat'sonlyatBrynMawr.....we call it Cities....it's like urban growth and development...?" Mike nods. We stare at the game going on in front of us. I can tell Mike is flabbergasted with how beginner level we are. He knows he's in it for at least the semester. I can see the thoughts running through his head, trying to figure out the easiest way to make a break for it. He takes a deep breath, "Alright, another court's free, come on now, I'll play you". He proceeds to kill me and make me run all over the court. It's amazing how I never run when I play against my friends because...well..I don't. I am running from wall to wall, front to back, making shots that I would have given up on before. Hey! A little bit of motivation, maybe that's what I needed. I quickly lose to him and leave the court thinking it's time to go. Mike decides we should run some court sprints before we go. We never run. Never have run. We've never even considered the possibility of running. I'm so pooped after playing one game with him that I am already dreading the walk back to the bus. But when Mike says jump we all yell HOW HIGH and start running. We quickly regret that decision. Next week we might not be so quick to obey.

We bid goodbye to Mike after that and he asks the best way to get to the train. I direct him and he goes on his merry way. As soon as he's around the corner we all start twittering like birds about our new attractive coach. "Why is he taking SEPTA" Jessica wonders "Can't he drive?" The man can't even work a phone, come on now.

We run (yes, more running) up to the bus station just in time to see the Blue Bus pull away. We'll have to wait another half hour. We all sit down on the wall and begin the wait in silence.

"well" Carrie begins "He wasn't wearing a ring if you were wondering"

I think the squash club is going to see an increased membership

Interesting Way to Start Off a Day

Scene: 9:00 am, Bryn Mawr Ave, walking back from Wawa with cup of coffee. A hearse pulls up to me.....

Mortician: Excuse me, can you direct me to the Main Line Nursing Home

After a few seconds of stunned silence I managed to sputter out a "uh...no....no I can't"

The mortician was less than pleased and drove away cursing. 

It's Raining Goals!

Nicky and Shannon start this blog off with their thoughts on indoor soccer

That's right, we used our free Philadelphia Kixx tickets tonight to experience the epic sport that is indoor soccer.

Thoughts on the evening?

-Goals are worth two points in indoor soccer, three points if made from behind the half court line. The court is significantly smaller than a normal soccer field (I think) making the game faster with shots coming quickly. Here is my problem, I think that if it's easier to score then the goals should be worth less. Make them worth half of a point, that would be cool. It seems useless to make the game easier and the points worth more

-When the other team scored the announcer would refer to them as the "bad guys" and the crowd would boo. Only in Philadelphia.

-The Kixx demolished the other team. At one point we were wondering if indoor soccer is actually a Harlem Globetrotters like situation where the other team was just trained to look bad. Apparently this is an actual league. 

-After the Kixx scored they would play a song that was to the tune of "It's Raining Men" on the chorus was "It's Raining Goals". Nicky sat fairly silent throughout the whole game but when that song would come on she would start dancing like a fool, shouting the lyrics out. High comedy.

-Shannon, who is a fan of the other kind of football, spent the game yelling any sort of inspirational sports saying she could at the team. DEFENSE! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! MOVE IT UP THE FIELD! Our section contained people who had clearly gotten their tickets for free and were NOT into the game at all, there was some staring. 

-We were sitting behind the goal meaning we were automatically screwed out of anything thrown into the crowd because a giant net sat between us and the field. I got a little bitter at t-shirt toss time.

-There was a penguin sitting in the crowd for the whole first half. A man in a penguin suit just hanging out for no apparent reason. Sometimes holding his head in his hands as if he was hungover or dead. At halftime it was revealed that he was the mascot for the Children's Miracle Network. He was invited on the field for a game of soccer against "Soccer-Roo" the soccer playing kangaroo that is the Kixx mascot. The penguin just leaned against the wall and shook his head in a cool way as if to say "nah, it's ok". The announcer was stunned and tried with all of his might to urge him onto the field, but the hungover penguin wasn't budging. Awkward, very awkward. But hilarious.

-They played music constantly, even while the game was going on. Only they only played songs that were popular between 2000-2004. Old enough to be out of date, new enough to not be cool and vintage. It was weird. 

-The crowd was made up entirely of youth soccer teams. Nicky's reaction to this? "Oh s***, I have to watch my mouth". Because Nicky is such a soccer hooligan....

-Going back to the songs, they were incredibly raunchy and obscene songs. The parents didn't seem to notice this....but they were not playing the edited versions

-The Kixx have a dance team. You know you've hit rough times when you're a dancer for the Philadelphia Kixx. They provided equally provocative dances to go along with the provocative songs.

-They did those little in the crowd giveaways that are popular at all sporting events...someone won Post-It notes.

*clapclapclapclapclap* WOOOOOOOOOO *clapclapclapclapclap*

There are many reasons I love Philadelphia, sports teams, the zoo, water ice, the list goes on. The main reason I love this city, however, is for Philly celebrities. In Philadelphia the strangest people become celebrities, most often the newscasters. Only in Philadelphia would an anchorman cheat on his wife, also an anchorwoman, with another anchorwoman. Only in Philadelphia would the mistress anchorwoman then be arrested in New York for making racist comments to the a police officer. Only in Philadelphia would the anchorman then be arrested for hacking into the racist anchorwomans e-mail account. I LOVE THIS CITY.

Anyway, the crazy anchorpeople are on CBS3 and Fox. I have ALWAYS preferred NBC10. When I was in high school I had a tiny television in my room that only received Channel 10. I grew to know each newscasts crew, picking favorites and such. A few years ago NBC10 came out with a daytime talk show called The 10! Show. It sometimes had big name guests who were in town to promote new movies or such, but usually it had random washed up 80's actors or local bartenders. The hosts, Lori Wilson and Bill Henley, are the most adorable people you can find on television. They spend the hour cooking food, talking to random Philadelphia celebrities and generally just shoot the breeze. I love them. Two years ago my roommate Shannon (also raised in the Philadelphia area) and I decided that we needed to be part of the audience. So we signed up and got tickets for a random Friday morning. We spent a glorious hour listening to C-list actor Jaime Kennedy, eating brownies made from spinach and getting a lecture from a real estate tycoon on how to best sell our hypothetical house. It was fantastic. We kept saying "we need to go back" but never got our act together.

Last week Shannon e-mailed me (which is great considering she lives right down the hall) to say that she had gotten us tickets for the upcomming Friday. I was pumped, I checked out the website to see who our guests would be and was disturbed to see none listed. Nuts, we've been shafted.

We still pulled ourselves out of bed this morning and drove down Montgomery Ave to the NBC studios in Bala Cynwyd, right outside the city. We wandered into the studio right behind four other people and were greeted with coffee and friendly faces. I've been to a bunch of live tapings, but the 10! Show staff seems legitimately happy to see you there, unlike the other shows (Conan, Jon Stewart) where it's clear they're doing you a favor. We waited around for about a half hour while others arrived. Last time we came there were about 50 people in the audience. Today there only seemed to be about 18. Lori Wilson came down to hang out and talk and mentioned that today's shows theme was "Sexual Healing" and would a few people be willing to talk about what they think a normal sex life entails. Shannon and I as well as the two teenagers there with their mother ran for cover, but the middle aged women who made up the rest of the line flocked to the camera. One large, 60ish year old woman told the camera point blank "Well I've had sex three times this week already and I intend to do the same tonight". The cameraman than responded "Three times a week, I'm lucky if I get three times a night!" The next woman in line then gave the camera man a long talk about talking to his wife about his needs. By this time Shannon and I are practically crouched in the fetal position covering our ears. It was traumatic to say the least. This is what happens when you hang out with 60 year old women, I haven't learned my lesson by now clearly. 

After they finished ruining my will to live they led us into the studio. An entire half that used to have chairs had been replaced with a band set up. I was excited, we were going to get music, how fun! We spent the next five minutes practicing our clapping and wooing. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *clapclapclapclapclap* WOOOOOOOOO!!! It's harder than you may think. Lori and Bill came back out and the show got started. The first section was a video report on the Philadelphia auto show. I remember hating this as a kid, but it looks kind of fun based off of the video. I'm in luck! Bill announces that the audience is getting free tickets! Next the sex experts come out. They look disturbingly normal. Like people my parents might go to a dinner party with. I like my sex experts to look legitimately crazy so that I can identify them as such. They say nothing of importance, just that you should only do what's comfortable for you and your partner. I learned that in HA training, does that make me a sex expert? I hope not.

Commercial break, Shannon and I are right next to the DJ and have a little party in our seats. 

Come back from break and it's time to head over to the "kitchen" and cook up some chocolate treats. Here Lori and Bill help Chef Robert from Classic Cake make chocolate truffles. They look incredible. Bill announces that the studio audience will all receive a box of truffles "WOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOO! *clapclapclapclap*". Lori then asks us all to look under our chairs to see if we have a heart, meaning that person would win a giant pretzel, chocolate and nut centerpiece. I quickly glance under my seat, nothing. Oh well. Around me people are frantically searching but no one is finding a heart. That's odd. Let me just check again...OH! I had the heart! I won the centerpiece. Around me I get the evil eye from the women and curt "oh..congratulations". I grab my paper heart and wave it in front of the camera for all to see. Victory is mine.

The celebration continues into the commercial break. More dancing. They come back and bring out....some actress who was in the original production of Dreamgirls. She is here to talk to us about the importance of getting tested for AIDS. Did you know that one-third of the original Broadway Cast of Dreamgirls died from AIDS? That's stunning. 

Next up, video segment on the Atlantic City boat show. Very nice, FREE TICKETS FOR THE AUDIENCE. I don't think I'll be making it to AC this weekend, we'll see.

Commercial break, dance party.

Next up, the band, Chris Cubetta and the Liars Club. FANTASTIC. I will be researching them further on the internet. They were GREAT. Really chill, music with an edge. I was a big fan. Nice guys too.

Commercial break, dance party.

Come back, out comes some celebrity gossip woman from an area radio station. She doesn't tell us anything we don't know, but does come bearing FREE MOVIE TICKETS! Hey-oooo, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo *BREATHE* OOOOOoOOOoOoooo"

That officially ends the show, but the band comes back out to play one more song, much to my enjoyment. Then Bill and Lori tape some promos for next week and look like they're childhood best friends. Sooo cute. Although in this town that could be a bad sign of things to come. 

The stations intern comes out with a huge cardboard box containing my prize. That was probably the best part of the day, walking out of the studio with a giant cardboard box. Those that hadn't been at the taping kept looking at me like I was trying to steal something. I probably could have stolen something and just hidden it in the box. 

We got back to the lobby and were given the different tickets for our weekend adventures. Here we found out that in addition we were being given tickets to the Philadelphia Kixx soccer team! I thought they had disbanded a year ago! SO pumped to go there tomorrow night, that's going to be a good time.

What a great start to the weekend

The coolest thing I've ever won
My loot from The 10! Show