Wednesday, February 4, 2009
As Always, Doc Night.
10:03-"All documentaries are now to be considered job opportunities"-Ari
10:05-Someone is banging on the door to the dorm. We have been frequently warned about the danger of letting strangers in. As an HA, I am designated as the person to go get shot by the obvious murderer/rapist/stalker. It turns out to be our friend Catherine, here for Doc Night.
10:08-No one is here. We judge
10:10- Paige: "will everyone get angry if..." Megan:"Yes"
10:13-Still haven't started.....Paige is questioning the absence of Drew. He apparently is in New York at a Knicks game. We're skeptical...the Knicks don't have fans...
10:14-Megan starts her speech. She begins by confirming that she called back the boy she met at the bar last week. We are all more interested in that. Paige demands yet another apology for the fuck up of last week.
10:15-"You should not make your weapons at home"
10:16-BATTLE NAMES ARE HANDED OUT! Epic. My battle name is Slebden. Please, only refer to me as that.
10:17-Paige has a story about a guy named Karl. I don't know where this is going. Apparently Karl was a LARPer who played a character who self-identified racist against aliens.
10:18-We finally get going, it's all good.
10:19-Uhhh, some sort of human sacrifice and ancient language......This might not be the movie we intended to watch
10:20-"I always felt like I was born out of time...like the skills I have don't fit the time period".....yessss, uh, that's exactly why I don't have a job yet....
10:22-I know for a fact that some members of this dorm actually participate in LARP. This could get awkward.
10:23-We go back 9 months, I think it's obvious....someone's going to get preggos
10:24-"I've seen porn on Showtime with similar themes"-Ari
10:25-Shotty camera work
10:28-This one guy, we'll call him Steve for now, is the son of a man who built up a "war games empire. Oh, nevermind, his name's Skip.
10:33-"It's ALMOST as good as the American dream" even if you had the context, you wouldn't know what that meant. I have no clue what that means. So confused.
10:34-Someone just bought a "supernatural death poison". Liz just brought up the BRILLIANT idea of making this a Law and Order plot, LARP gone wrong.
10:36-"At home, mom's in control, it's her house. At work, my boss is in control. At Darkon, I'm in control"-a sad realization of what my life could be next year.
10:38-Catherine appears mildly attracted to a LARPers "skills"
10:46-Uh, oh...power struggle. Who saw this one coming? Everyone. The leader is going off on a rant about the decency of the program. His little lackey behind him is CRACKING up. Way to ruin the moment.
10:49-"I'm a retail manager for Hot Topic" oh the laughter. So much laughter
10:51-A man is angry that his wife gets upset when women flirt with him during role play..."IT'S JUST ROLE PLAY". You're walking a thin line there, buddy....
10:57-"During the Columbine events" uh oh, where are you going with this buddy......
10:58-What leads to Darkon? Bad high school experiences and a love of crafting. Uh oh...Nicky fits the mold...
11:02-A surprising amount of diversity in the LARP world
11:03-LARPing is "American" U-S-A! U-S-A! "We're the terrorists and Mordom is the USA". Wait, I thought I was against Mordom...but if they're the USA...oh Jesus, I did not expect to have a moral dillema while watching this movie. We take sides, Ari and I choose Modrom. U-S-A! U-S-A!
11:05-"Would we get PE credit for this?"-Catherine. Side note, after arguing and getting screwed over every semester, I have officially completed my PE credit that was technically completed 3 semesters ago. Win.
11:09-Skip's kid practices his sword work. The boy has talent, there's no denying it.
11:15-WHOA, they have an effing castle, sorry, Citadel of Peace.
11:16-To catch you up, Bannor wanted to hold a tribunal to charge Klebman or something with some kind of crime. Klebman instead insists that they fight at the Citadel of Peace, the EXACT location that Bannor wanted to hold a tribunal. GOT IT?!?!?!
11:19-Holy...what?!?! They just set the Citadel of Peace on fire. Epic fire.
11:20-Me: Does he have a job?
Everyone in the room: HE'S A STAY AT HOME DAD!
uh, apologies....
11:23-A Darkon participant is revealed to be an actual soldier. He discusses the moment in Iraq when he realized what he was doing was real, no Darkon. Uhh...really?
11:27-Keldar was the guy's name, not Klebman
11:28-Enter the Dark Elves. They are TERRIFYING
11:35-Once again, Mordom wins. Point for me and Ari.
11:36-Oh snap, Bannor's been captured
11:37-It's a duel. Kaitlyn is far more pumped than any of the rest of us
11:38-And Bannor goes down. Paige is crying.
11:42-Bah, sudden ending. What the hell!
11:43-Post movie discussion? I'm disappointed. King of Kong was better.
Just the way they like it

Sunday, February 1, 2009
Sofa Sundays
3:00-Time for pregame show. I come downstairs to find mom chuckling along to America's Sweethearts. Hey, I'm pro anything John Cusack. We watch this instead.
4:00-Movie ends. Time for football? Or maybe Ice Princess, starring Joan Cusack. Mom marvels at the fact that every movie on today includes a Cusack. I'm confused that she was expecting to find a Sunday afternoon movie that DIDN'T include a Cusack.
4:10-Alright, time for some football.
4:20-Mom and I discuss the possible Springsteen line up, really the only thing we're interested in during this game. We Google "betting websites" (hello viruses) to see what the most popular lineup is. We're hoping for Playlist E, Born to Run, Dancing in the Dark, Radio Nowhere and The Rising. Money seem to be favoring Playlist D, Born in the USA, Thunder Road, Rosalita and My Lucky Day. There is NO way this is going to be the lineup as Born to Run isn't on it and Rosalita is 500 minutes long. I should mention that I have no clue how betting works, so this might not be favored at all.
4:35-The pregame show turns to a feature on David Tyree, who caught the pass that doomed the Patriots last year. Mom insists we turn the channel. We watch Ice Princess instead.
4:42-I turn back to the pregame show just in time to see Eli Manning cock his arm back and throw a pass over the heads of Patriot defenders. Mom screams. Back to Ice Princess
4:40-6:00-Eating, lots of eating. I just DEVOURED a bowl of Sun Chips.
6:10ish-Faith Hills version of America the Beautiful reduced Ben Rothlisberger to tears, this doesn't bode well. J Huds National Anthem was incredible.
6:46-We just found out that Kurt Warner went to University of Northern Iowa, which elicited a "Northern Iowa?!?!?!?!" from all three people at this party. OMP wants to know why North Iowa deserved a university over South Iowa. I don't want to start rumors, but I think OMP is against Iowa as a state. Statist.
6:53-Mom and I are ranking commercials. Mom has previewed some of the commercials on the internet. We just had an intense fight about whether or not that is ok. I claim she now has a base on which to judge other commercials off of whereas I have to judge as we go.
7:02-
Me: I give it a 6
Mom: I give it a four! Do you want to wager, Peter? Pick a number from 1 to...
OMP: No
Mom: 10?
OMP: No
7:07-I pull a Bryn Mawr and give a commercial a 1 based off of the fact that is was just footage of a woman showering. Sometimes I am a credit to my gender.
7:10-Mom is biased towards Budwiser clydesdale commercials. Its amazing how they ALWAYS get 10s.....
7:12-I should mention that Mom and I are rooting for Pittsburgh, OMP appears to be rooting for Arizona just to spite us.
7:14-"BEST CLYDESDALE COMMERCIAL EVER! 10+!" So much corruption in the commercial ranking system.
7:33-Dinner is gradually appearing on the coffee table. I clearly haven't eaten enough today.
7:52-Coolest play ever! COOLEST EFFING PLAY EVER! 100 yard interception return FOR A TOUCHDOWN! A-MAZ-ING.
7:57-
Mom: "Oh! Here we go! 3-D! 3-D!"
Me: Mom....we...don't have 3-D glasses.
Mom: oh...
7:59-Something about Matt Light in a leotard. Mom gives it a 10 for "sheer guts"
8:01-Halftime score: Steelers 17, Cards 7.....Bruce? Bruuuuuuuuuce? Bruuuuuuuuuucccccceeeee.....
8:03-Less Matt Millen, more Bruuuuuuuuuucccccccceeeeee
8:06-BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
OMP, who absolutely cannot stand Springsteen, removes himself from the room.
8:10-TRAMPS LIKE US! BABY WE WERE BOOOOORRRRRRRNNNNN TO RUNNNN
8:20-WOW! AWESOME. Mom and I scream MORE! MORE! MORE! Upstairs OMP finishes off a bottle of vodka hoping to dull the pain of living with us*. Says Mom: "It's like a woman that leads a man on then leaves him hanging at the last second" silence fills the room. OMP goes in search of some pills to chase the vodka with*. I begin to question whether or not I should return to school for my 10 am class tomorrow or if I should stay home for when Springsteen tickets go on sale at 10am. I've never denied that I am an advertisers dream. A monkey could sell me a broken microwave, I'm that easily convinced.
*-Lies
EDIT (2/3): OMP did reappear to coin the performance Bruceus Interruptus. I would personally like to term it "Bruce Balling". That is all.
8:33-Brodie "burys" his chewy under my moms chair and walks away. OMP grabs it so that Finn doesn't find it, leading to a dog fight of epic proportions. Brodie notices this shennanigan and is less than pleased. B gets his chewy back and sits down with it hanging out of his mouth like a cigarette. He's a real James Dean.
8:37-Each of us heard a different piece of that last commercial. By sharing our different pieces of information we piece it together that Dennys is serving a free grand slam on either Tuesday or Friday of this week. ADHD riddled family fun.
8:41-This Clydesdale ad is full of holes.
1. The horse has a "Scottish" accent, but they're clearly in Ireland.
2. The horse still has an accent even though he is a third generation American. I've taken NUMEROUS (2, maybe even 3) classes on this subject, and I know that the accent should be gone by now.
3. The relative immigrated in the late 19th, early 20th century, yet it claims three generations. A generation in the horse world is, what, 5 or 6 years? So three generations would have the great grandfather emigrating over in, assuming the current horse is 6, the late 1970s/early 1980s. FULL OF HOLES. I can't believe I just dissected that in detail.
9:13-OMP reemerges to give us crucial news that he is putting a new calculator into circulation. He asks that we kindly not throw it away as it looks identical to the last calculator, which I can only assume stopped working. Football game is apparently still going on.
9:18-We decline to rank Cash4Golds commercial as the thought of Ed McMahon hawking Cash4Gold was deemed "sad".
9:22-"If your tv doesn't say "Vizio" then you probably paid too much!"
OMP: "Well we didn't pay anything for this tv....so no".
I count at least 10 major features in this room that we got for free, including all furniture save for the sofa. Freeloading Family Fun.
9:47-OH....MY...GOD.....The Cardinals...are....in....the lead? I can't handle this.
10:01-WHOAAAAAAAAA. Who knew this would turn into one of the best Super Bowls ever......
10:09-PITTSBURGH WINS! Excellent, excellent game. I did not expect to enjoy this game, but ended up enjoying it immensely.
Hopefully I will be on the PA Turnpike tomorrow before the 'rents discover this entry.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Easiest Job in the World
Friday, January 30, 2009
Judging people I don't know
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Give me a child until he is seven, and I will give you a man
10:03-Worst day ever. Not sure how long I'll last here. I have bronchitis and quite frankly feel like death. Also, the soda machine just stole my money...technically it was Megan's money so I'm not as upset as I would otherwise be. I'll be frank, however, this is FAR from my best work.
10:06-Not sure what we're watching. Megan dropped the ball and didn't get Darkon, so now she has to wear a dunce cap and make an apology. Nicky brought backups, it appears we're watching the 7up series. The 7Up series follows a bunch of British youngsters from the age of 7 in 1964 through present day.
10:10-Drew is missing. Ari is here but Drew is not. Ari goes up to her room because she is concerned that he might be "touching her stuff" which apparently is "against the rules"
10:11-Nicky makes the speech. She makes fun of Megan using an incredibly obscene phrase. Wow. Unexpected. WHOA! Surprise twist, Nicky dropped the ball and had her Netflix sent to her house rather than her house. She claims it's Netflix's fault.
10:13-Megan's apology takes the form of an interview as Paige berates her, questioning her allegiance to the club
10:14-"Enter the struggling world of the seven year old"
10:15-Already have a favorite, he wears a scarf and speaks ridiculously proper. He would judge me for saying "ridiculously proper"
10:17-All of the kids are horrible at time management. They're all late for school
10:21-Suzie has a 13 year old boyfriend. Holy moly. I don't really know how to handle this news
10:22-hahahaha, they're beating the crap out of each other
10:24-Capturing the Friedmans has left us all a little sensitive to comments about the children
10:29-Nicky tries to bring up the fact that she didn't get to go outside during school again.
10:31-There is one kid who serves as his house captain. He's a jackass, but I want to be him. He leads exercises and the band....and he's 7. LOVE him
10:34-Ths one kid's parents are missionaries and he claims to have girlfriends all over the world
10:36-British children are born 40 years old
10:44-Ah, racism. Always enjoyable....
10:52-Tony is nicknamed "monkey". I swear to God he can climb anything!
10:53-They took all of the kids to the park. Everyone played together, except for the kids they found in an orphanage. They set to work building a house out of scrap wood on the edges of the park. Wow. Sad.
10:53-End of 7 Up.
10:54: Begin 7+7
10:55-"Give me a child until they are 7 and I will give you a man"-We have heard that phrase at least 30 times. OUCH. This is the awkward stage
10:56-Oh this is epic. Wow, British teenagers are NOT attractive
11:02-Heh, one of them ended up in Austrailia.
11:09-HOLY CRAP! A dog is TEARING apart a rabbit in the back of this interview.
11:11-Nicholas has the same glasses as Paige. He amuses himself by throwing rocks at rapid speed.
11:20-Suzy refuses to look at the camera. It's driving me insane
11:24-These people grew up boring
11:25-The soda machine just took peoples money. I would have stopped them, but I'm still bitter
11:32-They're discussing their weekly allowances. Nicky is confused by British money
11:36-I feel terrible. ughhhhhhhhhhhhh, sickkkkkkk
11:40-seriously, boring, boring, boring 14 year olds
11:44-"Give me a child until he is 7, and I will give you a man"
11:50-The gang continues on to the third one. I call it a night and head to bed.