Hot Times for the Bryn Mawr Squash Club

If you remember from an entry a few months ago, the squash club was coachless last semester. Over winter break I continued the search for a coach and after a bunch of rejections a club called me back to say "yea, sure, we can do it" *actual quote*. Awesome. E-mails and phone calls were exhanged, contracts negotiated and BAM, a man named Mike was deemed our coach. I tried to google Mike but got nothing more than squash results from matches he had played in. I was able to deduce that he was British, and an acceptable squash player. I e-mailed our former coaches to see what they knew about him. Wendy, our first coach, still couldn't get past the idea that Sue, the woman who was our coach for, no joke, one week two years ago, wasn't still our coach. No word from our other coach, but he dropped off the face of the earth awhile ago so I wasn't really expecting anything. 

I had no way to base this, but I decided that he was probably around 50, small, with dark brown hair. Nice guy, but quiet. Wasn't going to stay with us long after he realized how bad we were. Basically it was like getting myself prepared for a date. I was convinced that after one meeting we'd be back to square one.

Yesterday was the day we were to meet "Mike". Just as I was heading off to dinner my phone rang.

Me: Hello?

Phone: Hi this is Bill from the squash club, is this Marianna?

Me: *I thought our coach's name was Mike...* Oh hi! Yea, it is

Bill: Great, I have Mike with me, he wants to talk to you *phone fumbles as it's passed over*

Alright, that's strange. That's what you do when you call the boy you like at a sixth grade sleepover. "Hi Matt? This is Marianna from across the street, I have Kelsey on the line hee hee hee hee heee" (You can tell this story is a lie as I refused to acknowledge that Kelsey was my friend until at least 9th grade.)

So apparently Mike can't use a phone. That's not a good start. We have a lovely conversation about what I expect to happen at squash. I try and make jokes, he does not pick up on them. It's fantastic all around

Mike: So how many people do you expect tonight? You said 8?

Me: Uh, well, it's probably going to be around 5. The plague is going around school so a lot of people have called out sick tonight

Mike: THE PLAGUE?!?!?!?!

Me: Not the...actual...plague...no....

Mike: Oh, oh alright then, that's fine, you scared me there.

Oh jesus. I hung up the phone and began panicking. I would be thrilled it 5 people showed. My co-prez had called out sick and I didn't know how many people were sticking with us this semester. What if only I show up and its just Mike and me staring at each other. Then there's the whole problem that Mike can't work a telephone and believe that Bryn Mawr is suffering from an epidemic of the bubonic plague. He doesn't sound too bright. When I shared this story with my fellow squash players one responded "you shouldn't joke about the plague around the British, they take it seriously."

7:30 rolled around and I went down to the bus (we play at the 'Ford), freaking out the whole way. No one was at the bus stop when I got there. "Oh God, oh God, oh God" I start muttering. Then within a minute a hoard of squash players from past and present flood the stop (by hoard I mean 6). THANK THE LORD. Ok, I can breathe again. A few people had come last semester and I knew. Two had come second semester last year while I was abroad so I didn't know them, and one was starting new that night. Excellent group. 

We got there and started to claim our courts. Down at the first court a guy sat and just sort of looked at us before going onto another court. We didn't really think twice about it. I started making fun of my phone conversation with Mike to the group, we all laughed, har har. Carrie, who had come last year, yells at me for letting the old coach leave. "He was cute!" she exclaims. I disagree. Just as we stepped on the court the guy came back out, "I'm sorry, are you looking for Mike? I'm Mike". Silence. The Bryn Mawr Squash Club puts their racquets down and stares at the glory that is Mike. Alright, alright, he's by no means STUNNING, but he is DAMN cute. Freckles, a sweet little smile, NOT 50. We all just sort of nod. Carrie quickly forgets the previous coach. Anything Bryn Mawr has taught us about being strong women who don't cave under the presence of a man is thrown out the window. 

Mike is clearly concerned about the prospect of 7 college aged women. "Uhhh, alright" he begins...."What do you usually do". Everyone looks at me. Crap, I have to talk. "Uhhh, well....haha....that's sort of up in the air". What? What does that even mean? I try to recover "Um, well we usually stretch...then hit the ball for awhile...then play some games". Mike looks pained. He takes a deep breath and makes us go run around the court. Aye Aye Captain! We gladly run to show Mike how in shape we are. We're not. At all. Mike then has us pick up our racquets and show him our grips. I spent the last semester perfecting everyones grips. If there is one thing I have to show for my coaching it's that everyone should have fantastic grips. No one can remember how to grip a racquet with Mike smiling at us, not even me. Needless to say when he starts feeding us balls we start hitting them all over the place because everyone is looking at him rather than at the ball. Oh jeez, this might have been a bad decision. 

By the second round of balls I get my act together and hit a fairly good shot. Mike gives me a suspicious look. The rest of the girls take their shots, all of them are getting their act together, Mike begins to breathe easier. 

By the end of the night we're playing matches. Since we had an odd number one of us had to sit out each round. During my turn to sit out Mike stands next to me and says "um.....you've....played before haven't you, unlike everyone else here". A simple question. I can't handle one on one interaction with the only non-Haverboy I've seen in weeks. So I just chuckle. Silence.  Mike is confused and being the nice British boy that he is tries again to make conversation. "So, what are you studying here?" Oh no, ohnoohnoohno, not that question. I take a deep breath "uhhhhhhhhhh, uhh,  it'scalledGrowthandStructureofCities andit'sastrangemajorthat'sonlyatBrynMawr.....we call it Cities....it's like urban growth and development...?" Mike nods. We stare at the game going on in front of us. I can tell Mike is flabbergasted with how beginner level we are. He knows he's in it for at least the semester. I can see the thoughts running through his head, trying to figure out the easiest way to make a break for it. He takes a deep breath, "Alright, another court's free, come on now, I'll play you". He proceeds to kill me and make me run all over the court. It's amazing how I never run when I play against my friends because...well..I don't. I am running from wall to wall, front to back, making shots that I would have given up on before. Hey! A little bit of motivation, maybe that's what I needed. I quickly lose to him and leave the court thinking it's time to go. Mike decides we should run some court sprints before we go. We never run. Never have run. We've never even considered the possibility of running. I'm so pooped after playing one game with him that I am already dreading the walk back to the bus. But when Mike says jump we all yell HOW HIGH and start running. We quickly regret that decision. Next week we might not be so quick to obey.

We bid goodbye to Mike after that and he asks the best way to get to the train. I direct him and he goes on his merry way. As soon as he's around the corner we all start twittering like birds about our new attractive coach. "Why is he taking SEPTA" Jessica wonders "Can't he drive?" The man can't even work a phone, come on now.

We run (yes, more running) up to the bus station just in time to see the Blue Bus pull away. We'll have to wait another half hour. We all sit down on the wall and begin the wait in silence.

"well" Carrie begins "He wasn't wearing a ring if you were wondering"

I think the squash club is going to see an increased membership

Interesting Way to Start Off a Day

Scene: 9:00 am, Bryn Mawr Ave, walking back from Wawa with cup of coffee. A hearse pulls up to me.....

Mortician: Excuse me, can you direct me to the Main Line Nursing Home

After a few seconds of stunned silence I managed to sputter out a "uh...no....no I can't"

The mortician was less than pleased and drove away cursing. 

It's Raining Goals!

Nicky and Shannon start this blog off with their thoughts on indoor soccer

That's right, we used our free Philadelphia Kixx tickets tonight to experience the epic sport that is indoor soccer.

Thoughts on the evening?

-Goals are worth two points in indoor soccer, three points if made from behind the half court line. The court is significantly smaller than a normal soccer field (I think) making the game faster with shots coming quickly. Here is my problem, I think that if it's easier to score then the goals should be worth less. Make them worth half of a point, that would be cool. It seems useless to make the game easier and the points worth more

-When the other team scored the announcer would refer to them as the "bad guys" and the crowd would boo. Only in Philadelphia.

-The Kixx demolished the other team. At one point we were wondering if indoor soccer is actually a Harlem Globetrotters like situation where the other team was just trained to look bad. Apparently this is an actual league. 

-After the Kixx scored they would play a song that was to the tune of "It's Raining Men" on the chorus was "It's Raining Goals". Nicky sat fairly silent throughout the whole game but when that song would come on she would start dancing like a fool, shouting the lyrics out. High comedy.

-Shannon, who is a fan of the other kind of football, spent the game yelling any sort of inspirational sports saying she could at the team. DEFENSE! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! MOVE IT UP THE FIELD! Our section contained people who had clearly gotten their tickets for free and were NOT into the game at all, there was some staring. 

-We were sitting behind the goal meaning we were automatically screwed out of anything thrown into the crowd because a giant net sat between us and the field. I got a little bitter at t-shirt toss time.

-There was a penguin sitting in the crowd for the whole first half. A man in a penguin suit just hanging out for no apparent reason. Sometimes holding his head in his hands as if he was hungover or dead. At halftime it was revealed that he was the mascot for the Children's Miracle Network. He was invited on the field for a game of soccer against "Soccer-Roo" the soccer playing kangaroo that is the Kixx mascot. The penguin just leaned against the wall and shook his head in a cool way as if to say "nah, it's ok". The announcer was stunned and tried with all of his might to urge him onto the field, but the hungover penguin wasn't budging. Awkward, very awkward. But hilarious.

-They played music constantly, even while the game was going on. Only they only played songs that were popular between 2000-2004. Old enough to be out of date, new enough to not be cool and vintage. It was weird. 

-The crowd was made up entirely of youth soccer teams. Nicky's reaction to this? "Oh s***, I have to watch my mouth". Because Nicky is such a soccer hooligan....

-Going back to the songs, they were incredibly raunchy and obscene songs. The parents didn't seem to notice this....but they were not playing the edited versions

-The Kixx have a dance team. You know you've hit rough times when you're a dancer for the Philadelphia Kixx. They provided equally provocative dances to go along with the provocative songs.

-They did those little in the crowd giveaways that are popular at all sporting events...someone won Post-It notes.

*clapclapclapclapclap* WOOOOOOOOOO *clapclapclapclapclap*

There are many reasons I love Philadelphia, sports teams, the zoo, water ice, the list goes on. The main reason I love this city, however, is for Philly celebrities. In Philadelphia the strangest people become celebrities, most often the newscasters. Only in Philadelphia would an anchorman cheat on his wife, also an anchorwoman, with another anchorwoman. Only in Philadelphia would the mistress anchorwoman then be arrested in New York for making racist comments to the a police officer. Only in Philadelphia would the anchorman then be arrested for hacking into the racist anchorwomans e-mail account. I LOVE THIS CITY.

Anyway, the crazy anchorpeople are on CBS3 and Fox. I have ALWAYS preferred NBC10. When I was in high school I had a tiny television in my room that only received Channel 10. I grew to know each newscasts crew, picking favorites and such. A few years ago NBC10 came out with a daytime talk show called The 10! Show. It sometimes had big name guests who were in town to promote new movies or such, but usually it had random washed up 80's actors or local bartenders. The hosts, Lori Wilson and Bill Henley, are the most adorable people you can find on television. They spend the hour cooking food, talking to random Philadelphia celebrities and generally just shoot the breeze. I love them. Two years ago my roommate Shannon (also raised in the Philadelphia area) and I decided that we needed to be part of the audience. So we signed up and got tickets for a random Friday morning. We spent a glorious hour listening to C-list actor Jaime Kennedy, eating brownies made from spinach and getting a lecture from a real estate tycoon on how to best sell our hypothetical house. It was fantastic. We kept saying "we need to go back" but never got our act together.

Last week Shannon e-mailed me (which is great considering she lives right down the hall) to say that she had gotten us tickets for the upcomming Friday. I was pumped, I checked out the website to see who our guests would be and was disturbed to see none listed. Nuts, we've been shafted.

We still pulled ourselves out of bed this morning and drove down Montgomery Ave to the NBC studios in Bala Cynwyd, right outside the city. We wandered into the studio right behind four other people and were greeted with coffee and friendly faces. I've been to a bunch of live tapings, but the 10! Show staff seems legitimately happy to see you there, unlike the other shows (Conan, Jon Stewart) where it's clear they're doing you a favor. We waited around for about a half hour while others arrived. Last time we came there were about 50 people in the audience. Today there only seemed to be about 18. Lori Wilson came down to hang out and talk and mentioned that today's shows theme was "Sexual Healing" and would a few people be willing to talk about what they think a normal sex life entails. Shannon and I as well as the two teenagers there with their mother ran for cover, but the middle aged women who made up the rest of the line flocked to the camera. One large, 60ish year old woman told the camera point blank "Well I've had sex three times this week already and I intend to do the same tonight". The cameraman than responded "Three times a week, I'm lucky if I get three times a night!" The next woman in line then gave the camera man a long talk about talking to his wife about his needs. By this time Shannon and I are practically crouched in the fetal position covering our ears. It was traumatic to say the least. This is what happens when you hang out with 60 year old women, I haven't learned my lesson by now clearly. 

After they finished ruining my will to live they led us into the studio. An entire half that used to have chairs had been replaced with a band set up. I was excited, we were going to get music, how fun! We spent the next five minutes practicing our clapping and wooing. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *clapclapclapclapclap* WOOOOOOOOO!!! It's harder than you may think. Lori and Bill came back out and the show got started. The first section was a video report on the Philadelphia auto show. I remember hating this as a kid, but it looks kind of fun based off of the video. I'm in luck! Bill announces that the audience is getting free tickets! Next the sex experts come out. They look disturbingly normal. Like people my parents might go to a dinner party with. I like my sex experts to look legitimately crazy so that I can identify them as such. They say nothing of importance, just that you should only do what's comfortable for you and your partner. I learned that in HA training, does that make me a sex expert? I hope not.

Commercial break, Shannon and I are right next to the DJ and have a little party in our seats. 

Come back from break and it's time to head over to the "kitchen" and cook up some chocolate treats. Here Lori and Bill help Chef Robert from Classic Cake make chocolate truffles. They look incredible. Bill announces that the studio audience will all receive a box of truffles "WOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOO! *clapclapclapclap*". Lori then asks us all to look under our chairs to see if we have a heart, meaning that person would win a giant pretzel, chocolate and nut centerpiece. I quickly glance under my seat, nothing. Oh well. Around me people are frantically searching but no one is finding a heart. That's odd. Let me just check again...OH! I had the heart! I won the centerpiece. Around me I get the evil eye from the women and curt "oh..congratulations". I grab my paper heart and wave it in front of the camera for all to see. Victory is mine.

The celebration continues into the commercial break. More dancing. They come back and bring out....some actress who was in the original production of Dreamgirls. She is here to talk to us about the importance of getting tested for AIDS. Did you know that one-third of the original Broadway Cast of Dreamgirls died from AIDS? That's stunning. 

Next up, video segment on the Atlantic City boat show. Very nice, FREE TICKETS FOR THE AUDIENCE. I don't think I'll be making it to AC this weekend, we'll see.

Commercial break, dance party.

Next up, the band, Chris Cubetta and the Liars Club. FANTASTIC. I will be researching them further on the internet. They were GREAT. Really chill, music with an edge. I was a big fan. Nice guys too.

Commercial break, dance party.

Come back, out comes some celebrity gossip woman from an area radio station. She doesn't tell us anything we don't know, but does come bearing FREE MOVIE TICKETS! Hey-oooo, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo *BREATHE* OOOOOoOOOoOoooo"

That officially ends the show, but the band comes back out to play one more song, much to my enjoyment. Then Bill and Lori tape some promos for next week and look like they're childhood best friends. Sooo cute. Although in this town that could be a bad sign of things to come. 

The stations intern comes out with a huge cardboard box containing my prize. That was probably the best part of the day, walking out of the studio with a giant cardboard box. Those that hadn't been at the taping kept looking at me like I was trying to steal something. I probably could have stolen something and just hidden it in the box. 

We got back to the lobby and were given the different tickets for our weekend adventures. Here we found out that in addition we were being given tickets to the Philadelphia Kixx soccer team! I thought they had disbanded a year ago! SO pumped to go there tomorrow night, that's going to be a good time.

What a great start to the weekend

The coolest thing I've ever won
My loot from The 10! Show

As Always, Doc Night.

10:02-We're all here except Paige. Megan can't figure out how to set the TV up. She asks for help, we refuse. This is all part of presenting. Megan will be showing us "Darkon" a look into the world of Live Action Role Play (LARP). Megan dropped the ball last week and forgot to order the movie via Netflix so we had to scramble for backups. Needless to say, WE ARE SO PUMPED for this movie.
10:03-"All documentaries are now to be considered job opportunities"-Ari
10:05-Someone is banging on the door to the dorm. We have been frequently warned about the danger of letting strangers in. As an HA, I am designated as the person to go get shot by the obvious murderer/rapist/stalker. It turns out to be our friend Catherine, here for Doc Night.
10:08-No one is here. We judge
10:10- Paige: "will everyone get angry if..." Megan:"Yes"
10:13-Still haven't started.....Paige is questioning the absence of Drew. He apparently is in New York at a Knicks game. We're skeptical...the Knicks don't have fans...
10:14-Megan starts her speech. She begins by confirming that she called back the boy she met at the bar last week. We are all more interested in that. Paige demands yet another apology for the fuck up of last week.
10:15-"You should not make your weapons at home"
10:16-BATTLE NAMES ARE HANDED OUT! Epic. My battle name is Slebden. Please, only refer to me as that.
10:17-Paige has a story about a guy named Karl. I don't know where this is going. Apparently Karl was a LARPer who played a character who self-identified racist against aliens.
10:18-We finally get going, it's all good.
10:19-Uhhh, some sort of human sacrifice and ancient language......This might not be the movie we intended to watch
10:20-"I always felt like I was born out of time...like the skills I have don't fit the time period".....yessss, uh, that's exactly why I don't have a job yet....
10:22-I know for a fact that some members of this dorm actually participate in LARP. This could get awkward.
10:23-We go back 9 months, I think it's obvious....someone's going to get preggos
10:24-"I've seen porn on Showtime with similar themes"-Ari
10:25-Shotty camera work
10:28-This one guy, we'll call him Steve for now, is the son of a man who built up a "war games empire. Oh, nevermind, his name's Skip.
10:33-"It's ALMOST as good as the American dream" even if you had the context, you wouldn't know what that meant. I have no clue what that means. So confused.
10:34-Someone just bought a "supernatural death poison". Liz just brought up the BRILLIANT idea of making this a Law and Order plot, LARP gone wrong.
10:36-"At home, mom's in control, it's her house. At work, my boss is in control. At Darkon, I'm in control"-a sad realization of what my life could be next year.
10:38-Catherine appears mildly attracted to a LARPers "skills"
10:46-Uh, oh...power struggle. Who saw this one coming? Everyone. The leader is going off on a rant about the decency of the program. His little lackey behind him is CRACKING up. Way to ruin the moment.
10:49-"I'm a retail manager for Hot Topic" oh the laughter. So much laughter
10:51-A man is angry that his wife gets upset when women flirt with him during role play..."IT'S JUST ROLE PLAY". You're walking a thin line there, buddy....
10:57-"During the Columbine events" uh oh, where are you going with this buddy......
10:58-What leads to Darkon? Bad high school experiences and a love of crafting. Uh oh...Nicky fits the mold...
11:02-A surprising amount of diversity in the LARP world
11:03-LARPing is "American" U-S-A! U-S-A! "We're the terrorists and Mordom is the USA". Wait, I thought I was against Mordom...but if they're the USA...oh Jesus, I did not expect to have a moral dillema while watching this movie. We take sides, Ari and I choose Modrom. U-S-A! U-S-A!
11:05-"Would we get PE credit for this?"-Catherine. Side note, after arguing and getting screwed over every semester, I have officially completed my PE credit that was technically completed 3 semesters ago. Win.
11:09-Skip's kid practices his sword work. The boy has talent, there's no denying it.
11:15-WHOA, they have an effing castle, sorry, Citadel of Peace.
11:16-To catch you up, Bannor wanted to hold a tribunal to charge Klebman or something with some kind of crime. Klebman instead insists that they fight at the Citadel of Peace, the EXACT location that Bannor wanted to hold a tribunal. GOT IT?!?!?!
11:19-Holy...what?!?! They just set the Citadel of Peace on fire. Epic fire.
11:20-Me: Does he have a job?
Everyone in the room: HE'S A STAY AT HOME DAD!
uh, apologies....
11:23-A Darkon participant is revealed to be an actual soldier. He discusses the moment in Iraq when he realized what he was doing was real, no Darkon. Uhh...really?
11:27-Keldar was the guy's name, not Klebman
11:28-Enter the Dark Elves. They are TERRIFYING
11:35-Once again, Mordom wins. Point for me and Ari.
11:36-Oh snap, Bannor's been captured
11:37-It's a duel. Kaitlyn is far more pumped than any of the rest of us
11:38-And Bannor goes down. Paige is crying.
11:42-Bah, sudden ending. What the hell!
11:43-Post movie discussion? I'm disappointed. King of Kong was better.

Just the way they like it

In case anyone missed it, it snowed yesterday. There was minimal snow on the ground by the time my 8:30 class commenced, so I wasn't expecting class to be cancelled. I stared out the window throughout class and noticed that it was building up. Very few people were walking by the window, no one was really coming in and out of the parking lot. I smiled, classes must be cancelled, snow day today! No, really the reason nothing was happening was that by that point it was 9:00 and no self respecting college student does anything before 10:00 and even then it's usually by force. After I got out of class at 10:00 I walked up to the campus center to find that the BMC world was alive with movement, classes were clearly still on. Oh well. I did some last minute homework at the computer center before catching the bus to Haverford for my second class of the day. At the Ford I slipped my way down to my class, satisfied that the increasingly heavy snow would definitely cancel my Penn class that night. After class I skiddaddled (is there a proper spelling for that word? or can you just make it up as you go?) over to the Blue Bus to get back to BMC in order to meet with some people about a presentation. I was busy as a bee. All throughout my meeting I kept checking my e-mail for updates about the class. Still not cancelled, still not cancelled. I logged into Penns student portal or whatnot and checked if it had been cancelled, no word. I tried and tried to log into my Penn e-mail but every combination of password I usually use didn't work. Keep logging into BMC e-mail, activities listserve, come to the Vagina Monologues, stuff like that, but no e-mail canceling class. It gets to the point where I have to leave for my train. I make myself pretty and rush off through the snow to the station. Hop on the train and bitterly make my way into the city. Once there I brave the snow and trek the eight blocks up to Penn. Everyone is making a mad dash to the train station while I head the other way. I get looks of "you're crazy" "turn back now" as dozens of people in scrubs run by me. Side note, are scrubs warm? I get the impression that they are thin and incredibly chilly, yet all of the doctors weren't wearing sweatpants over them or anything, just their scrubs. I finally make my way to Penn and barrel into Au Bon Pain for some soup. I am cold and hungry and I want some soup. They're out of everything except Rice, Bean and Sausage soup, or as I like to call it "throw some stuff in a pot" soup. You know what? It was delicious. I meet Ari over at our building and wait around until it's time for class. At 5:30 we head into our classroom and find that it's empty. A sinking feeling hits me. We both sit down, neither of us saying what we both know is happening. Another girl joins us, she hadn't checked her e-mail all day so she doesn't know if there was a class is cancelled e-mail or not. Another boy joins us, he just registered for the class yesterday so the prof doesn't have his e-mail yet. Another boy joins us, he is without a doubt an idiot so we don't trust him for anything. Ari finally broaches the subject.....do you think class was cancelled? The three whip out Blackberries and frantically search through their e-mail. Another guy goes to the podium computer and frantically searches his e-mail. Another guy comes in and does an "is class cancelled?" jig like thing. Finally a text message comes through on someones phone from a friend that class has in fact been cancelled. Much rejoicing from the Penn kids, lots of cursing from me and Ari. We bundle up and head back to the streets. By this point it's dark and instead of snowing is wintery mixing. It is disgusting out. The streets are slush filled, the wind is whipping ice into our faces, and we have eight blocks to walk. I am very angry. We curse the Bryn Mawr registrar for not passing on the e-mail like she is apparently supposed to (I did not know this, but Ari claims it's true). We get to the station to find that the next train is the Bryn Mawr express, which is a minor win for the day. We and every other snow and ice soaked business executive get on that and zip up to the Mawr. We step outside and it's like a whole new world. Whereas Philly had been icy, wet and grey, Bryn Mawr has a good five inches of fluffy, white, untouched snow. It looks almost like a painting. We're a bit taken aback. We trek through the snow back to school, passing the Baldwin School along the way. "ah, look at Baldwin" Ari muses, "Covered in a blanket of white...just the way they like it". burn.

I got back to my room and fired off a few changes to my presentation to the girl that's putting it all together. In my inbox was a frantic e-mail from the registrar sent just minutes after I left for the train "Ari and Marianna, your Penn class has been cancelled, I hope I'm not too late!". Points for effort. I guess I need to get myself a Blackberry. I then went to take a nap, or just to lie down. It was about 7:00 at this point. Next thing I know it's 2:00 in the morning and I'm wide awake. I look outside, the snow as stopped but there is at least seven inches of snow on the ground, streets included. Maybe classes will be cancelled tomorrow, I ponder. I get back to sleep around 4:00 and sleep until 8:00. I wake up and notice I haven't heard the Blue Bus at all. No one's walking down the halls. Cars aren't outside. Holy Crap! I exclaim! Class has been cancelled! I log into my e-mail to find that telltale message from Head of Public Safety Mike Hill "classes ARE in session today. Please use caution". Damn you, Mike Hill, you win again.

EDIT: At least some people (er...dogs) enjoyed the snow

Sofa Sundays

I usually have a rule regarding my visits home during a semester. Ideally, I make it until the mid-semester break before I start randomly coming home, I rarely make it. I have been back at school for two weeks...I have randomly come home twice. Oh well, it was a good try. Originally I was going to stay at school for the Super Bowl. I assumed that as a college kid I would be spending the day at the bar, imbibing and having a grand old time. After the Eagles were eliminated, my excitement for the Super Bowl quickly faded to almost nothing. Earlier this week a friend asked if we had anything planned. One of us was going home, two of us were working, the rest couldn't care less. Screw this, I decided, I'm going home. Every Sunday of the playoffs I spent on the sofa with my mom in her recliner, fire blazing, dog on my lap, generally enjoying life. It only seemed fitting that I finish the season out on my sofa. After five minutes with my family I realized that they are hilarious and needed to be documented. So without their consent I recorded our entire afternoon/evening and present it to you as a play, 

"The Family That Watches Together, Never Sees Their Daughter Leave Home Even After College....Together"

3:00-Time for pregame show. I come downstairs to find mom chuckling along to America's Sweethearts. Hey, I'm pro anything John Cusack. We watch this instead.

4:00-Movie ends. Time for football? Or maybe Ice Princess, starring Joan Cusack. Mom marvels at the fact that every movie on today includes a Cusack. I'm confused that she was expecting to find a Sunday afternoon movie that DIDN'T include a Cusack.

4:10-Alright, time for some football. 

4:20-Mom and I discuss the possible Springsteen line up, really the only thing we're interested in during this game. We Google "betting websites" (hello viruses) to see what the most popular lineup is. We're hoping for Playlist E, Born to Run, Dancing in the Dark, Radio Nowhere and The Rising. Money seem to be favoring Playlist D, Born in the USA, Thunder Road, Rosalita and My Lucky Day. There is NO way this is going to be the lineup as Born to Run isn't on it and Rosalita is 500 minutes long. I should mention that I have no clue how betting works, so this might not be favored at all.

4:35-The pregame show turns to a feature on David Tyree, who caught the pass that doomed the Patriots last year. Mom insists we turn the channel. We watch Ice Princess instead.

4:42-I turn back to the pregame show just in time to see Eli Manning cock his arm back and throw a pass over the heads of Patriot defenders. Mom screams. Back to Ice Princess

4:40-6:00-Eating, lots of eating. I just DEVOURED a bowl of Sun Chips. 

6:10ish-Faith Hills version of America the Beautiful reduced Ben Rothlisberger to tears, this doesn't bode well. J Huds National Anthem was incredible. 

6:46-We just found out that Kurt Warner went to University of Northern Iowa, which elicited a "Northern Iowa?!?!?!?!" from all three people at this party. OMP wants to know why North Iowa deserved a university over South Iowa. I don't want to start rumors, but I think OMP is against Iowa as a state. Statist. 

6:53-Mom and I are ranking commercials. Mom has previewed some of the commercials on the internet. We just had an intense fight about whether or not that is ok. I claim she now has a base on which to judge other commercials off of whereas I have to judge as we go. 

7:02-

Me: I give it a 6 

Mom: I give it a four! Do you want to wager, Peter? Pick a number from 1 to...

OMP: No 

Mom: 10? 

OMP: No

7:07-I pull a Bryn Mawr and give a commercial a 1 based off of the fact that is was just footage of a woman showering. Sometimes I am a credit to my gender.

7:10-Mom is biased towards Budwiser clydesdale commercials. Its amazing how they ALWAYS get 10s.....

7:12-I should mention that Mom and I are rooting for Pittsburgh, OMP appears to be rooting for Arizona just to spite us.

7:14-"BEST CLYDESDALE COMMERCIAL EVER! 10+!" So much corruption in the commercial ranking system.

7:33-Dinner is gradually appearing on the coffee table. I clearly haven't eaten enough today. 

7:52-Coolest play ever! COOLEST EFFING PLAY EVER! 100 yard interception return FOR A TOUCHDOWN! A-MAZ-ING.

7:57-

Mom: "Oh! Here we go! 3-D! 3-D!" 

Me: Mom....we...don't have 3-D glasses. 

Mom: oh...

7:59-Something about Matt Light in a leotard. Mom gives it a 10 for "sheer guts" 

8:01-Halftime score: Steelers 17, Cards 7.....Bruce? Bruuuuuuuuuce? Bruuuuuuuuuucccccceeeee.....

8:03-Less Matt Millen, more Bruuuuuuuuuucccccccceeeeee

8:06-BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEE!!!!!!!!! 

OMP, who absolutely cannot stand Springsteen, removes himself from the room.

8:10-TRAMPS LIKE US! BABY WE WERE BOOOOORRRRRRRNNNNN TO RUNNNN

8:20-WOW! AWESOME. Mom and I scream MORE! MORE! MORE! Upstairs OMP finishes off a bottle of vodka hoping to dull the pain of living with us*. Says Mom: "It's like a woman that leads a man on then leaves him hanging at the last second" silence fills the room. OMP goes in search of some pills to chase the vodka with*. I begin to question whether or not I should return to school for my 10 am class tomorrow or if I should stay home for when Springsteen tickets go on sale at 10am. I've never denied that I am an advertisers dream. A monkey could sell me a broken microwave, I'm that easily convinced.

*-Lies

EDIT (2/3): OMP did reappear to coin the performance Bruceus Interruptus. I would personally like to term it "Bruce Balling". That is all.

8:33-Brodie "burys" his chewy under my moms chair and walks away. OMP grabs it so that Finn doesn't find it, leading to a dog fight of epic proportions. Brodie notices this shennanigan and is less than pleased. B gets his chewy back and sits down with it hanging out of his mouth like a cigarette. He's a real James Dean. 

8:37-Each of us heard a different piece of that last commercial. By sharing our different pieces of information we piece it together that Dennys is serving a free grand slam on either Tuesday or Friday of this week. ADHD riddled family fun.

8:41-This Clydesdale ad is full of holes. 

1. The horse has a "Scottish" accent, but they're clearly in Ireland. 

2. The horse still has an accent even though he is a third generation American. I've taken NUMEROUS (2, maybe even 3) classes on this subject, and I know that the accent should be gone by now. 

3. The relative immigrated in the late 19th, early 20th century, yet it claims three generations. A generation in the horse world is, what, 5 or 6 years? So three generations would have the great grandfather emigrating over in, assuming the current horse is 6, the late 1970s/early 1980s. FULL OF HOLES. I can't believe I just dissected that in detail.

9:13-OMP reemerges to give us crucial news that he is putting a new calculator into circulation. He asks that we kindly not throw it away as it looks identical to the last calculator, which I can only assume stopped working. Football game is apparently still going on.

9:18-We decline to rank Cash4Golds commercial as the thought of Ed McMahon hawking Cash4Gold was deemed "sad". 

9:22-"If your tv doesn't say "Vizio" then you probably paid too much!" 

OMP: "Well we didn't pay anything for this tv....so no".

I count at least 10 major features in this room that we got for free, including all furniture save for the sofa. Freeloading Family Fun. 

9:47-OH....MY...GOD.....The Cardinals...are....in....the lead? I can't handle this.

10:01-WHOAAAAAAAAA. Who knew this would turn into one of the best Super Bowls ever......

10:09-PITTSBURGH WINS! Excellent, excellent game. I did not expect to enjoy this game, but ended up enjoying it immensely.

Hopefully I will be on the PA Turnpike tomorrow before the 'rents discover this entry.