Doc Night-In Which I Screw Up

10:00-It's my night to present. I screwed up and volunteered to show a movie that doesn't actually exist. So I spent awhile in the library today and picked out a new documentary about communism. I almost got movie about a Pet Cemetery, but thought that it would be sad. 

10:05-I give my speech on "Point of Order" a classic documentary on the McCarthy hearings. There are no words to describe the outrage in the room, people are furious. 

10:06-If you thought they were angry before, you should see the rage when I pressed play and Brian's Song came on. Trickery. Complete outrage. Paige has reached a new level of anger that is unimaginable. I have never seen her this angry.

10:10-Paige and Elizabeth go to the library to get a new movie while I am told to sit in shame. I put Brian's Song back on against Drews will. I fast forward to the speech scene. Drew has his hands in his ears and is screaming for it to be shut off. Drew doesn't want us to see him cry. 

10:15-"I love Brian Piccolo" Paige reenters and exclaims "OH HELL NO!" Drew cries out, "PAIGE! PRESS STOP! PRESS STOP!" As much as I promised Drew I would try and portray him as less of a wuss in the blog from now on, he did not make a good case for himself tonight. 

10:20-Paige and Elizabeth have brought three choices. Mullets, pet cemetary or sandwiches. Paige institutes a confusing voting system that just increases the anger. 

10:24-We still haven't solved the movie mystery. Paige has taken away my right to vote, Megan keeps switching her vote and Nicky has decided to exercise her right to abstain.

10:25-Mullets win.

10:26-"Who knows someone that has a mullet?" 

10:27-The movie is brought to us by "Party in the Back Productions". 

10:28-This movie has the potential to be good. I feel I should be given at least some credit for taking a chance. I was going to do "American Mullet" but others had talked of doing that so I didn't want to take their glory

10:29-Megan is already considering getting a mullet. Paige claims that my punishment for failure is that I have to get a mullet

10:32-"I LIKE ROCK AND ROLL!" says a woman wearing a mullet dyed with a color that can only be described as "communist Europe purple"

10:33-C Down believes that mullets go hand in hand with bad teeth

10:34-Paige believes that the mullet is the final "F*** You to the world"

10:34-"The best part of a mullet? Being able to impersonate Billy Ray Cyrus"

10:36-A very good country western soundtrack. One man claims that the grunge movement is responsible for the movement of pop artists to the mullet rich country west style

10:38-One woman has a mullet to signal to people that she is gay because otherwise they think she's straight. 

10:40-A woman is presenting a book called "The Dos and Don'ts of Lesbian Chic"

10:40-Excuse me, a paper, not a book. The crowd is cracking up about the mullet...except for the poor woman who has a mullet. She's offended. 

10:41-Megan points out the magazines with naked men behind the speakers

10:42-This woman grew a mullet because she "was tired of being called sir"

10:43-Drew is outraged at the professional level of this movie. He claims it's "Not professional at all". Drew is picky

10:44-They are talking to a guy right now who is wearing all black, a ski hat and a bandana around his face. I think he's about to go rob a store

10:45-Apparently he runs a website. Sketch. This might be Sketchy Bob in the Basement that the middle school librarians warned us about. The guy that you should cite in your papers. He claims that mullets are a low class haircut...except for weight lifters. A lot of weight lifters have them and if they can afford a gym membership then they clearly aren't low class. Megan, our resident CDA (community diversity assistant) is outraged

10:46-"The mullet is a genderless haircut" This movie is quickly heading into a discussion on the gender binary. 

10:51-And we're in Arizona! Megan is excited

10:52-There is a woman with an Australian accent with a short pink mullet. She looks like an anime character

10:54-Whoa, a New Zealand guy with a bald head and a tuff in the back who participates in a complicated form of bike racing where he hangs off of the side of a motorcycle. 

10:57-Apparently mullets are a popular cut for the Native Americans because it allows them to grow their hair long while still keeping a more socially acceptable haircut on top

10:58-Nicky claims this movie has a very pro mullet agenda

10:59-The filmakers interview the squares who claim that only unemployed people have mullets

11:02-Apparently another word for the mullet is "Schlong" for "Short-Long"

11:04-This woman is a drag king and has hair extensions to give herself a fake mullet

11:05-Children with mullets! Too cute!

11:08-People are talking over the documentary. I tell them to shut up and listen. Kaitlyn tells me that I "really have some balls tonight". Apparently they haven't forgotten my failure

11:09-Paige asks us to put aside social norms and consider whether the mullet can be viewed as attractive or not

11:12-"Even in our country our own first president had long hair...Jesus had long hair" Reader poll: Did Jesus have a mullet?

11:13-This man says that his friends often bet him to shave his head. He says he'll never do it....but he has shaved the rest of his body in case you were wondering

11:15-Apparently mullets only exist in the West. I should bring this up in class tomorrow

11:16-That movie wasn't even an hour long. 

11:17-I apologize to the club for my actions tonight. I understand that I have lost any and all presenting privileges for the rest of the year. I thought I would take a risk and clearly my risk failed. Screw you all.