Doc Night: In Which We Pass Down the Legacy

10:00-The freshman is presenting tonight. She's terrified. We're all excited about the fact that we've terrified a freshman. 

10:01-Paige announces that she's bringing a friend to May Day. We are outraged. Paige wants us to agree to be nice to her friend. None of us can bring ourselves to agree to that. We're very angry that Paige is going to ruin the sisterhood

10:04-Ari is late and is outraged that she doesn't have a chair. We're amazed that she thought she could be this late and still get a chair. Drew is not with her, apparently he's "trying to find the vending machine". We asked Ari if she told him where the vending machine is. She feels that "he's a smart boy, he can figure it out". For the record, our vending machine is in a closet off of a closet. 

10:08- Paige claims she "has a music box with our name on it if we're not nice to her friend". Megan asks me to call public safety as she is now afraid to sit next to Paige.

10:09-Oh look, Drew decided to join us! Not a good idea to show up 10 minutes late a week after he doesn't show at all. He's not making a good case for his Doc Night standing.

10:10-Mary gives her speech. She is a kissass. I call her a brownnoser and Mary looks sad. Paige screams out that "THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU CAN'T DO WITH MY FRIEND". Mary apparently had an existential crisis while watching this film. 

10:12-Excellent speech. 

10:13-KATELYN! THE LIGHTS!

10:13-We will be watching "Word Wars" a study of competitive Scrabble.

10:14-Oh wow, I'm already fascinated watching them make Scrabble boards

10:15-The graphics in this movie leave something to be desired. Paige thinks this is the work of the same person who made "My Stepfather Made Me Do It"

10:16-A "bingo" is a word using all 7 letters

10:19-Matt Graham shows up wearing a ripped dirty shirt, carrying a gallon of water and headphones. He also takes about a thousand pills and supplements. He concerns me.

10:21-Favorite character? "GI" Joel. Apparently the GI is not referring to the soldier but rather his GI tract. 

10:23-Marlon comes from inner city Baltimore and is perfectly happy living off of money made on the competitive Scrabble circuit. Because of this life choice, people in his neighborhood judge him. 

10:25-And we meet the number one player in the world. He practices Tai Chi and has a giant smiley face on his door. He also likes to talk about his "energy". 

10:28-Apparently Marlon made himself an honorary Ghanan. 

10:30-Mary (the freshman) is apparently playing Scrabble on her computer as we speak.

10:35-Women apparently don't do well in competitive Scrabble. One woman claims it's because they "just don't care". 

10:36-Andrea is an ass and her mother's a whore

10:38-GI Joel also loves the piano

10:41-Uh oh, Matt does stand up

10:43-Andrea tried to dictate what i put on the blog. Remember what I said about her mother earlier? Still true. No one tells me what to blog about. Megan is angry that we're yelling when her favorite character (Marlon) is talking

10:45-"Aunt" Lorraine just showed up and she's kinda creepy.

10:46-Marlon says he has to stop smoking up at tournaments. He's currently giving an interview after smoking up. He thinks he's pretty damn funny

10:48-"The only study time I get is while I'm driving". Oh jeez

10:49-"Blowing up is too good for this planet. It needs to suffer, suffer, suffer. I want to be the one causing the suffering". WHOA! 

10:51-Someone used "AWOL". We think that's an illegal move but no one calls him on it

10:52-The Scrabble lecture circuit is hilarious

10:53-Marlon is less than pleased with the lecture and instead heads out to go smoke up. He thinks if he had smoked up before his game he would have won it. Debatable.

10:54-Aw GI Joel, adorable little man

10:57-Ahahahaha, the discussion of what is appropriate and what the definitions should be. Apparently Trup is an appropriate word and it is defined as having sex with a sheep. Jew is also allowed but not as a noun, as a verb. Think about it.

10:59-A principal is excited because she's "bringing in a Scrabble expert to talk to the school children. The expert? Marlon. Fabulous

11:00-The question and answer session is incredible. These 8 year olds are asking the most intense questions. "Have you ever lost a game and then done something bad to yourself or others?"

11:01-The camera man just woke Marlon up because he was late. I claim the number one rule of documentaries is "don't interact with your subject". Everyone else claims that is false. I'm standing by it, this is no longer reality.

11:03-The winner of the tournament just got a little too close for comfort with the old lady handing out the awards.

11:04-GI Joel has a hat that says....GI Joel

11:07-Marlon and Matt took a train cross country because they're too afraid to fly

11:08-Things we've learned about Scrabble players? They know the words, but have no idea how to use them. Listening to them put together sentences is painful at times

11:08-The NSA (National Scrabble Association) is clamping down on unacceptable behavior such as intimidating your opponent. Marlon is pissed

11:11-We cannot for the life of us figure out the relationship between Marlon and Matt. We decide on "Frenemies"

11:13-Joe has plummeted to 73rd place. Marlon decides to go to Tiajuana for the night

11:14-We just watched Marlon hire a prostitute. In Tijuana.

11:16-Awkward urinal high fiving

11:17-Joe blames his poor performance on the fact that he didn't get acupuncture before the tournament. 

11:18-Ooo, a child is on the scene. He is skeptical of becoming a professional player. He never wants it to come to the point where he "doesn't have a job". Good. Let's see how long we can hold him off.

11:18-Matt and Marlon are having a fight. Perhaps they are no longer "frenemies". Joe is having a bad day. He's lost a couple games and the cafeteria is out of turkey sandwich

11:19-Marlon announces that he doesn't consider Matt a friend. His statement is invalidated by the fact that the image on the screen is of him shaving Matts neck. 

11:19-Matt is wearing a shirt that asks if we've "hugged a nurse today". Paige can't handle it anymore. She's in full blown hysteria.

11:20-Mat had a massive mental blockage and lost his final 8 games. 

11:21-Marlon is going against GI Joel for a lot of money. One of their words is Grog! We're all excited about that one

11:22-Marlon has a rack with 5 vowels. He exchanges them. And comes out with more vowels. Meanwhile his time is wasting away. Paige is again in hysterics. I should mention that her thesis is due tomorrow and she is absolutely delirious at this point. Unfortunately the filmmaker notes that it is now 4:20 in the afternoon. We all know what that means. He claims he could see the money walking away and waving goodbye as it left. We were all secretly hoping for Marlon to win.

11:24-Joel goes into one of the final matches against Nigel wearing a shirt that says "I have beaten Nigel before" He loves the custom t-shirts

11:28-GI JOEL WON! WE'RE ALL EXCITED! Except Paige who quietly says that she was rooting for Nigel. 

11:29-Across the Universe (the song he likes to play on the piano) plays as everyone in the arena stands up to applaud Joel. Ari ruins the moment by claiming he reminds her of a child molester. 

11:30-We meet Joel's dad, they're exactly alike. Marlon comes running in to hug Joel. Joel seems concerned and uncomfortable. 

11:31-Marlon announces that he's retiring from competitive Scrabble. The "where are they now" update proves that he did not. 

11:32-Matt apparently scored 431 points in 93 seconds. 

11:32-Joe is doing nothing

11:33-Joel is now singing in Piano bars and enjoying his celebrity. He went on the Today Show! But they didn't let him in the studio, he was interviewed on the plaza. 

11:35-Excellent movie. Between this and Stephanies movie the other week we feel that Doc Night will be in good hands next year.

Tool Update: In Which the S*** Hits the Fan

Penn has left me with mixed feelings in life. On one hand, it gave me OMP and Maury, two of the most influential men in my childhood. On the other hand, it gave me Twitchy McBarfight and Tanner O'Tansalot, two the most influential men in my early death from stress. Also, I hate their basketball team, but that's another story for another day. Last night was our final Penn class in which we gave presentations. Our group......well...let me just outline the past few days to give you a better idea of the giant chucklefuck that is my project. 

Saturday

It is decided that we should take a group visit to Camden. This was the first of the string of 90 degree days and I was less than eager to spend it wandering around the concrete wasteland of a city that is Camden. I take the train into the city before texting Twitchy to ask where I should meet him. His car is parked at 40th and Pine. I'm currently at 30th St Station. 10 blocks in the heat would be annoying to begin with. 10 blocks in the heat on Penn Relay day is a nightmare. Yes, I had been wondering why the Villanova and St Joes track teams had both been on the train in. Apparently traffic is so terrible during the Penn relays that to take a team bus to the event would be near impossible. It was actually a better idea to take SEPTA and then walk 5 blocks than to take a bus. Apparently Nova still did pretty well. Traffic was completely stopped leading into Penn, swarms of people moved up the sidewalks creating even more heat. 

I managed to break free of the pack once we reached the stadium and continued up to 40th and Pine. There I stood on a street corner for 20 minutes waiting for Twitchy and Tanner. Finally after calling them did I find Twitchy waiting in his apartment. He was upset that I didn't drive in as he wanted someone to save his parking spot. I didn't respond to this. Tanner was mysteriously missing, and when told we called he gave a vague location but said he was on his way. After waiting for him we finally him to stay put and we'll pick him up wherever he is. 

On our way to mystery location I recieved a call from the Bryn Mawr health center frantically trying to locate a person who was not in my dorm nor did I even know them. I explained that I was in the city and thus couldn't be of any help and they asked me to call any other HAs that I knew. Screw this, I hung up and called Public Safety, I wasn't playing phone tag all day. Meanwhile Twitchy is yakking away in my ear. I try and emphasize the words HEALTH CENTER and PUBLIC SAFETY but he still doesn't respond. After settling the matter I hang up. 

Twitchy is angry that I didn't pay any attention to him when he was talking to me. 

We locate Tanner on a random street corner near Drexel and finally the group is all in one place at the same time for the first time ever. We head for Camden and are at a loss for discussion topics. Unfortunately Twitchy is the only one to come up with anything and we were all treated to a 15 minute talk about his paper on merchant economics of the 15th century. I really wish I was kidding. 

We note that there is a lot of traffic on the bridge heading into NJ. Tanner wonders if they're all going to the Camden waterfront. No. No they are not. We head into Camden city and go off in search of sites for our project. We stop at one abandoned lot and get out to look at it. I should mention that Twitchy's car is a brand new Saab with lots of tricked out electronics and such. It was begging to get stolen. Twitchy and Tanner discuss the site while I stand back and wonder why I'm standing in the middle of an abandoned lot in Camden in 90 degree weather with two massive tools. That's sort of the dictionary definition of hell there. Tanner doesn't like the site because it's not close to the water. I don't like the site because it's no where near commerce. Twitchy hates all of us because he thought he had a surefire idea here. 

This story is getting long so let me sum it up. We spent the next hour driving around vacant lots before deciding "screw it, let's just develop on the waterfront". All plans of mix income communities and neighborhood revitalization were thrown out the window. We were going to build luxury condos. I couldn't have been happier, as much as I'm usually for neighborhood revitalization, in this project I wanted something simple and to the point. We pick the spot with relative ease, go to a nearby condo developments leasing office to discuss what the logistics of that building were and shake on it (not actually, but you get the idea). Given the rough start to the day, I was impressed with the final result. 

We got back in the car and Twitchy decides to take the Walt Whitman bridge back to Philadelphia rather than the Ben Franklin to avoid traffic. He misses the exit and we end up heading towards the shore. I'll take anytime I can in New Jersey, but I wanted to get home. I groan and lean back in my seat to express my discontent. Twitchy turns around at the next exit then floors it while merging nearly killing all of us in the process. I openly yell at him to express my discontent. As we cross the bridge I look back to New Jersey and sigh, only 3 more weeks and I'll come back, I say to myself. As if they were reading my mind, Tanner and Twitchy start making Jersey jokes. I spring into action and start yelling back my usual "it doesn't matter because you still are going to hate Jersey but here are some great things it has given you" list. Surprisingly both responded positively to the news that New Jersey is home to the blueberry capital of the world. Even I was shocked when Tanner said 'Wow. I love blueberries. Maybe Jersey isn't that bad'. First time that's worked, ever.

Twitchy had promised he'd drop me off at 30th St Station so I wouldn't have to walk. As we pulled into Philadelphia he suddenly said "oh, looks like we won't be near 30th St. You should probably get out here". For the record, we were at 38th and something that's no where near 30th St. We were also at a stop light. He didn't even pull over. I muttered some curse words and climbed out of the car. I really dislike that boy.

Sunday

I sent roughly 5 or 6 e-mails to them today regarding our project. I got one reply

Monday

I send more e-mails asking when people can meet AS THE PROJECT IS DUE TOMORROW. I mention that I am free ALL DAY and can come in WHENEVER. No one responds until 6 at night when they decide that tomorrow (the day the project is due) would be a better time to meet to DO OUR ENTIRE PROJECT. I'm fuming and let them know that I'm not free until 3:30. They decide to meet at 10. 

After I came back from squash that night I had to go to Senior Week sign-ups in the Campus Center. Those were far more stressful than they ever needed to be. I swear to God you could tell Mawrtyrs that there was going to be an apple on the green but that no one could touch the apple until noon and EVERYONE would show up 2 hours before noon just to make sure they got to touch the apple. Point of the story is that I'm in a bad mood when I get back to my room. It's almost midnight, I have a ton of work to do and I open my e-mail to find a message from Twitchy. The message begins "I really have no idea what I'm doing, so I'm just going to make stuff up tomorrow, is that ok?" 

I sit in stunned silence for a good 3 minutes. I run to Ari's room and release a rant of epic proportions. I run back to my room and send him an e-mail that basically says "if you make shit up I will kill you". I was going to work on my other project but instead spend the next hour and a half looking for any sort of information to help him with his part of the project. Around 1 am I get an e-mail back that basically says "thanks for trying, but for a budget like ours none of this is really important". I let out a string of curse words, shut my computer down and go to bed. I have all the information I need and have no problem sending that e-mail conversation to our professor should our project go awry. I don't need this.

Tuesday

10 am. I get a message. "Where are you". It's Twitchy. I text him back to tell him that if he read his e-mail correctly he would know that I am in class from 8:30-2:30 on Tuesdays and that I won't be in the city until 3:30. He wants to know where Tanner is. It should be noted that Tanner hasn't responded to any of our e-mails over the past few days. I send him Tanners number and go back to class. Twitchy sends confirmation that he and Tanner are meeting. Good, I'm glad for them. Tanner later sends me a message saying that he could meet me at 3:30 to finish the project up. Hey Tanner! Nice to hear from you! Great! See you then!

I book it from my Haverford class to the Haverford train station only to find out that the ticket office is only open from 11am-2pm (wtf?!?!?!) and that I need cash to buy my ticket on the train. With 5 minutes until the train gets there I race down the block to the bank and back just in time to catch it. That was close. Unfortunately Septa has been experiencing problems this week due to "excessive heat" so we ended up stopped in between Overbrook and Philadelphia for what seemed like an hour (and was probably no more than 10 minutes). Allow me a moment to rant. Yes it was hot yesterday, but it was by no means excessively hot. If they're this delayed now, how do they even function in the summer? Also how does heat affect a train?!?! So many questions. 

I meet Tanner at the library where he is less than pleased to meet. We wander around for 15 minutes because he reserved us a room at 4 and it's not ready yet. I ask if we can just sit somewhere and start and he says "nah, let's just wait". For those of you keeping track we have an hour and a half before this thing is due at this point. As we wander people stop Tanner and ask questions like "what the hell are you doing here". Tanner sighs and points at me before saying "group project". Apparently Tanner has a reputation of not going to the library. Great. 

Once our room opened up I was shocked to see that Tanner had actually put together a stellar powerpoint presentation in between meeting with Twitchy and myself. I put together my slides, Tanner put Twitchy's information into some slides and bam, project. Actual honest to goodness project. I couldn't believe it had actually come together and that I was actually impressed with it.We went through it, fixed it up, then raced off to class just in time for the first presentation. 

The first group got the coveted first spot due to the fact that one of them had a sorority formal that night that she needed to get ready for. I wish I was kidding. This was their honest to goodness reason and the professor was perfectly fine with it. I'm not one to judge clothing, but they looked like hot messes. One girl was wearing a Springsteen concert shirt and short cutoffs, another was wearing one of those mens Hanes undershirts and short cutoffs and the guy was wearing an oversized Janis Joplin t-shirt. Unfortunately he decided against the cut-offs that the rest of the group was wearing. If you're giving a final presentation that is designed to be a marketing pitch.....look respectable. Come on now. 

Their presentation was terrible. It promoted a community garden in Kensington. A project that has already tried and failed. Their defense "ours won't fail". The worst part? IT WENT ON FOR 47 MINUTES! 47! These were supposed to be 15 minute presentations. 47 minutes! Then to pour salt on the wound, the professor berated them from 15 minutes about how their presentation was too long. That's an hour. AN HOUR that was spent on that group. We still had 5 groups to go and only an hour and a half to do them

The next group went and their presentation was fantastic. Really well done, really well rehearsed, great presentation. Afterwards they opened it up for questions and here is where you got to see the ugly side of Penn. The students went for the throat trying to get the presenters to screw up. I looked over at Twitchy and noticed that he had made a list of places where they hadn't provided enough information. He and others proceeded to ask questions at rapid fire pace. There was no doubt about it, they wanted blood. Adrenaline was rushing through me, this is kind of fun! 

If I thought that was fun then I was in for an amusement parks worth of fun for the next presentation. It was the tool group presentation, remember, the two that ditches us? They had handouts and as their partner handed us the hand out she said "oh, you guys are probably doing the same project". We looked at the pamphlet and realized they had stolen Twitchy's original idea (which we were no longer doing). I thought it was hilarious, Twitchy was outraged. He started fuming and cursing, which made me laugh even harder. Everything about it was exactly the same. Epic. Their presentation was fine, one of the better ones in the class, but Twitchy was intent on drawing blood during the question and answer section. His hand shot up before they were even done presenting and he went on the warpath. Cue me laughing again. The question and answer section ended with one of their group members calling him an elitist jackass. As Twitchy's questions were actually legit and didn't warrant a insult like that, I tried to stifle my laughter. All efforts were fruitless, however, when I got a text from Ari (who was sitting two chairs away) that said "Wow, Twitchy's going to take his anger out on some poor unsuspecting bar patron tonight...). Touche, Ari, touche.

After World War III ended Ari's group was supposed to go. Unfortunately Penn doesn't have an honor code and another group openly stole their spot. You could cut the competition in the room with a knife. It was great. At this point we had a half hour to fit in 3 more groups. Ari and her group were outraged that they had lost their spot and even more outraged when Twitchy went up to the professor and told him that he had to leave at exactly 8:15 so we had to go next. When Twitchy got back I asked him where he had to go and he said "I haven't been back to my room since noon, I can't stay any longer". I was stunned. I also had not been back to my room since noon and I had an hour of traveling ahead of me but I intended to stay. I sensed trouble.

We're not going to discuss the fourth group as their idea was crap and totally unreasonable. They also took the full half hour we had left to present. After they were done I got up to present. Or at least I thought I did, until Twitchy stood up and said "I have to go and so does Tanner". Tanner woke up from his nap to say "wait, what? Where do I have to go?" I said "I'm staying, let's present". But Tanner and Twitchy ganged up on me and asked the professor if we can present to him during office hours next week.  I was appalled. I was supposed to be done by next week. Done forever, done with EVERYTHING. I CAN'T PROLONG THE PAIN! The professor says that's fine and Twitchy runs out of there. I ask if Tanner and I can just present right then and Tanner says "nah, I'd rather do it next week" and leaves. I try to muster up the words to ask if I can present by myself but I'm too upset. I can't even form words, I'm just looking around the classroom astonished to make sure everyone else realizes how I was just dicked over. I could have done a fantastic presentation by myself. I do great presentations, hilarious ones. I could have joked about Twitchy's douchiness and Tanner's alcoholoism, it would have been great! Instead Ari and her group go up there, thus ending Ari's pain, while I sit still and fight back tears. I was supposed to be done.

As I'm leaving the professor calls me over. He apologizes for not stopping the first group when they ran long. I'm usually good at mustering up fake forgiveness, saying 'yea, it's fine, don't worry'. I can't bring myself to do that. I just stood there trying to get the words out before saying "yea. This sucks". I've definitely won the sympathy vote in that class, that's for sure. 

I got back to Bryn Mawr and told my story to the crew. They're all outraged as well. Nicky suggests I send my professor a link to this blog with the message "it's all outlined here". I laughed, but a strongly worded e-mail is in the works, don't worry. We laugh it off and I go to bed, completely bummed out that it's not over. God I hate Penn.

Ruin a Friends Life: Megan Edition!

In honor of Megan finishing her thesis today....

Name: Megan

Hometown: Phoenix, AZ

Nickname: Poodle

How did she get that name: Long story involving a board game and some underage drinking

Where did she use this scandalous nickname: Girl Scout Camp

In 20 years she will be: A camp counselor

Once committed a felony: No

Where I first met her: Lived on my hall freshman year. Actual meeting time and place unknown

What she brings to the group: Excellent television suggestions (she introduced us all to Arrested Development)

Favorite Food: Little Charlies Pizza 

Creepiest Hobby: Pitches tents outside Taco Bell

Reason for creepy hobby: Come on, she lives in Phoenix, what else is she going to do

Most often heard saying: IT'S NOT THAT HOT!

Arrested Development line she's tired of hearing: "I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona"

15 minutes of fame: Was quite the speller back in her day

Reason 218374 why Arizona's crazy: Her drivers license is valid until she's 80

Secret dream: To be a live action Jane Austin role player

Reasons we're friends with her: Her brothers and our secret love for them

Doc Night-In Which Megan Secures My Place at the Bottom of the Doc Night Ladder

EDIT: DREW! I hear you think that your Doc Night standing has not been affected by this weeks failure to attend. You are sorely mistaken. Sorry I didn't make that clear enough for you.

10:00-The College News meeting, which accounts for about half of Doc Night, got out early. The freak out for chairs was epic.

10:01-Drew has ditched us tonight. We are outraged. Nicky is concerned that the building doesn't have a bathroom. We are all confused as we are in our dorms television room and now concerned as to what she's been doing all year. She wanders upstairs while we all try and figure out what she's talking about.

10:02-We're waiting for Pinky who has promised to make her first appearance at Doc Night ever. For the first time ever we're watching previews. Strange but interesting previews

10:03-There is a movie starring Evan Rachel Wood and Uma Thurman...we are divided as to whether it looks good or terrible

10:04-Megan is eager to get started on "Surfwise" a movie about a family of surfers.  We take stock of our members and Paige is impressed at our attendence. She tells Ari that we no longer need Drew so his absence doesn't matter. 

10:06-Megan is getting impatient

10:07-Pinky is not coming. Megan hates waiting. I check the records and note that we usually don't start until at least 10:10. 

10:09-Megan just yelled at me for interrupting. Megan is A) A Douche B) A Jackass C) Not getting a good review in the blog.

10:10: ooo, her speech alludes to fucked up kids. She gives discussion questions, which I am against as this is a homework free zone. Paige just made the obligatory pedophile joke. 

10:11: Katelyn, turn off the lights! 

10:12: Here we go (PS. Megan's speech sucked)

10:13: Elizabeth: This is my dream! Babies and surfing! Paige:.....do...you even surf?

10:14-Surfwise follows a doctor (Doc), his giant family and their journeys around the country surfing.

10:15-Megan is still yelling at me. Paige just accused me of being racist. I hate this movie already

10:18-THE YELLING NEEDS TO STOP! THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL!

10:19-Naked man on a bicycle. Unexpected.

10:22-Young Doc is an early favorite in the "hottie" category. 

10:24-"He was a real winner" I have never heard that phrase used in a non-sarcastic manner...until now

10:28-Something just "changed his life" and it is too lewd for me to put on this blog

10:29-His goal was to have sexual intercourse 125 consecutive women and score them. His wife scored the highest score in scoring.

10:31-Teenage dance party interlude?

10:32-Apparently this family was like the surfing Amish. Very simple lifestyle

10:34-The kids didn't go to school, instead they learned from surfing. I look forward to hearing about their current lives at the end of this movie.

10:37-Doc doesn't want to be upstaged by any gorilla. So he insists that his wife raise his children as a gorilla would

10:39-Ari is gives us a California geography lesson. Everyone looks away and nods politely. 

10:42-Instead of presents Doc would "give his children the sea". 

10:43-"We couldn't afford to all have good outfits. Occasionally, we could afford for one of us to have a BITCHIN outfit though"

10:47-The family starts a surf camp. Nicky claims it sounds similar to her infamous stint in circus camp

10:50-Another Ari California geography lesson. 

10:51-Oh wow, never share a 24 foot camper with 9 children and two horny parents

11:01-I went to the bathroom and apparently missed a fantastic story. I know this because as I was returning I heard a massive WHOAAAAAAAAA

11:05-David is revealed to be the child that everyone hated as he was a massive ass

11:07-And now they've started a band? That opened for The Rolling Stones?

11:12-"When Abraham started talking about firebombing the rangers station, I knew they needed help". And here is where the lack of education rears it's head again

11:16-"You always end up in room with stickers all over it" Ari: I HATE it when that happens

11:21-"A lot of people go to Stanford. A lot of people go to middle school. So what" Truer words were never spoken

11:23-The eldest son wrote a song for his father. Its......stunning? We're all speechless to say the least

11:33-Aww, reunion at the airport. They are awkwardly close. This is reminiscent of a Brady Bunch Christmas special right now

11:38-One of the kids is continuing the tradition of not putting his kids in school and generally being insane

11:41-Discussion. More yelling. Lots of yelling. 

11:43-Ari has more California stories. Paige determines that Ari was a massive tool as a child

11:46- Conclusion? Megan's movie was a fantastic choice. She and I have been firmly placed at the bottom of the Doc Night social structure due to our previous screw ups but she was able to dig herself out for this one. Oh well, as secretary of the club I control the history so I can change it at any time.

Tool Update

I haven't updated you on my Penn class in awhile mainly because I don't want to think about it. My project is a mess and getting my group to meet together is harder than fitting an elephant into a telephone booth. That being said, the class still brings the hilarity. Remember from entries of yore that my professor is a fan of the open ended question method of teaching. He might have to find a new method after last night

Professor: If I'm a town that has decided to have an auto show in order to raise some publicity and make some money, what do I not want the car owners to have in their trunks?

Student 1: Large bags of money

Professor: What?

Student 2: Drugs?

Professor: Well yes, but...

Student 3: Guns?

Professor: ........

Me: A body?

Professor: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I was looking for food and beverage. We want the participants to patronize local establishments. Everyone in this room terrifies me right now. 

Student 4: I'm confused, do you mean a picnic or like, alcohol?

Professor: I think we're done for tonight.

New Feature! Get to Know a Friend

I first discovered the wonders of Wordle last summer. I had come up to the office after working a not so long and not so hard day at my real job (read: after spending the day sleeping in Frist and watching SportsCenter) to discover sheets of paper everywhere with random words on them. I had no idea why I found them so amusing, but I did. I was told that they were from www.wordle.net, a magnificent site where you can upload text or websites and based off of the frequency of word usage the site would make you a piece of art. It was brilliant. 

As with most things that fascinate me, I quickly forgot about it until OMP e-mailed me a few months ago to tell me he had discovered it's awesomeness. If it has the OMP seal of approval, you know it's good. I spent a few more hours doing some mindless wordling, then again, forgot about it.

Within the past week I noticed that my friends at school were starting to produce wordles out of no where. Apparently the popular thing to do is input your thesis into Wordle and see what comes out.  Seeing them brought me back to a simpler time when I didn't have any obligations. People were happy if I showed up within 30 minutes of the time I said I would show up and had on a shirt that had been cleaned within the past two weeks. A time when people didn't expect papers or for me to meet deadlines, but rather to simply look busy. Ignoring all of my other obligations I went back to Wordle and I haven't stopped. 

This is a long introduction to a post that is not actually about Wordle. The long story short is that I decided to Wordle the blog. Here is what came out

As you can see, Nicky's name was significantly larger than anyone elses. Mild outrage ensued as my friends discovered that Nicky was getting far more coverage in the blog than they were and it was demanded that I somehow make up for this. This was great as it allowed me to ask for permission for a segment that I had been wanting to do for sometime but didn't know how they would react. I asked if they would be willing to be featured in a "Meet a Friend" blog entry that each time will highlight a person that I frequently mention in other posts. Expecting mild hesitation I was surprised to get an eager YES! DEFINITELY! from most of them. Actually I shouldn't have been surprised, my friends are fame whores. I was put off by their eagerness so I've decided to twirk it a little into "Let's Ruin a Friend's Future" So now, without further ado, let's ruin Paige's future!

Name: Paige S

Not to be confused with: Paige W

Nicknames: P-safe, Paiger, Paigealicious (Drew came up with this one, not us)

Proper pronunciation of last name: Saf-yer

How I like to pronounce her last name: Safe-yer, Saphire

Where I first met her: Junior year at the vegan co-op on campus. 

Favorite party spot: Still the vegan co-op (seriously underrated parties)

Hometown: Somewhere on Long Island

Once committed a felony: Yes

Most often heard saying: Alright, here's the plan...

Favorite food: Little Charlies Pizza

Outfit she wore to her Bryn Mawr interview: Unicorn t-shirt

Short term goals: Getting more involved in the community. Example? She suggests we should go to a local high school play. 

Why does Paige want to go to a local high school play: I assume to steal their weed

Long term goals: Research assistant in psych

Creepiest hobby: Collects music boxes

Creepiest thing ever said: "If I were a serial killer I would be the music box killer. I would collect a music box for every person I killed"

Again, creepiest hobby: Already has an extensive music box collection

Reason we're friends with her: Fear

Glutton for Praise

I've often said the worst thing about Bryn Mawr is that no one will ever tell you when you've done a good job. Part of the reason I take classes at Penn so often is that occasionally they will write "Great paper!" or "Excellent point!" rather than "YOUR DOES NOT EQUAL YOU ARE" on your papers. The amount of times people have told me "great job" at Bryn Mawr has been minimal. It always keeps me striving for perfection, yet also always makes me second guess my work. I'm serious, it sucks. 

A few weeks ago I got an e-mail from a friend asking me if I would participate in Dorm Olympics. They were going to be holding an event called "Pie Your HA" and as an HA I was expected to participate and be pied. I agreed and asked how points would be assigned in that event, no reply. Dorm Olympics are never really well attended, people usually have better things to do...like stare at walls or walk around aimlessly complaining about the mud. I had no intentions of showing up before or staying after being pied, not when there was mud and cracked sidewalks to be complained about. 

As I got more and more emails about the olympics I began to get slightly excited. They seemed like a great opportunity to be praised. I decided to check them out for myself around 1 o clock today, an hour before my own event was to begin. I showed up at the front steps of the Campus Center and announced to no one in particular that I was there to Dorm Olympic. No one responded so I tried again. This time someone told me that I could either go to dodgeball, Guitar Hero or sudoku. I'm terrible at Guitar Hero and wasn't in the mood for dodgeball, so I went inside to do some sudoku. The energy in the room could best be described as an energy similar to taking the SATs. People were hunched over their papers scribbling away. I grabbed a paper and began to fill it out. I had limited time so I was pretty proud of how much I accomplished. Unfortunately, people easily beat me having had the full five minutes to finish it. I was sure that I had the next round in the bag, however. I grabbed my next sheet and went to work. When the five minutes ended I had about 3/4ths of it filled out. Since no one had shouted out that they were done I assumed that I would be crowned the victor. Nope, over on the other side of the room the representatives from Merion dorm had each filled theirs out perfectly. They got a lot of points. I was determined to shut them up on the next round. Unfortunately that one went to hell and I could barely get any. Merion again beasted. After that we switched to Boggle, which I am awesome at. But of course, Merion was better. Effing nerds that live in Merion. I swear they spend all of their time practicing for this. 

By that point it was 2 o clock and I needed to get pied. I went outside and was handed a poncho. A few other HA's and I drew bullseyes on them and started to stir up excitement. Pie tins were filled with whipped cream and it was time to go. The points system was still ambiguous, but we let it go. We were assured that as HA's we had already secured three extra points for our dorm, so we were all pumped about that. The first HA went up and got a pie to her shoulder and torso. Whipped cream splattered on her face and we all laughed. Isn't this hilarious. My turn was next I set myself up and started heckling the throwers. I closed my eyes and realized "CRAP! If this thing hits me in the face it's going to hurt!" Luckily the first thrower only hit my shoulder. Ha. Everyone at this school throws like a girl! The next tosser came up and I again closed my eyes and relaxed. Then in a flash, SPLAT! Straight shot right to the face. The green exploded in shouts of "OHHHHHHHH!" I was covered in whipped cream and gunk. The whipped cream was seeping into my hair and already drying on my face in the sun. I couldn't even open my eyes. It was awesome. All around me people began applauding and telling me what a good sport I was. Is that praise? Awesome.

At the end of that event I was told that at the next table over the watermelon eating contest was about to begin. I forgot all about the stomach distress I had been in two days prior and eagerly ran over there. I was running on adrenaline by now. After everyone got situated we dove in face first and devoured our slabs of watermelon. I came in third in the event, quite possibly the award that I am the most proud of as I was up against the rugby team who take no prisoners in any form of competition be it rugby or a game of go fish. I turned to Angie,  the organizer, whipped cream smeared in my hair and watermelon all over my face and asked 'What's next!?!?! What's next?!?!?!" I was like a kid at Chuckie Cheese. Angie looked taken aback and said that the next event wouldn't be for a half hour and would be the tug-o-war. I looked at my shoes and realized they wouldn't be great for tug-o-war, so I told her I was going to change them and that I would be back. She laughed and said 'Alright, you go do that' I could tell she thought I was insane, but I don't care I was loving it. The sun was out, there was friendly competition, I had whipped cream in my hair. Life was good. 

I raced down Rock 3rd and started banging on doors to try and get people to come out to Olympics. Nicky practically bit my head off, yelling that she had to write her thesis. Ari was pissed that I didn't tell her that there was going to be an event where she could throw a pie at me. Nevermind the fact that I sent an e-mail to the hall earlier in the week. Drew was excited, but I told him he was not actually allowed to participate which made him sad. I switched my pants and shoes and ran back out to the green. A rather heated capture the flag game was going down but otherwise things were taking a break. I did the wander around thing, trying to look cool but really making sure that no one started a tug-o-war without me. I am that lame. Once I get my mind wrapped around something I can't stop.

The tug-o-war started eventually and was unfortunately marred by a rather serious injury. Don't wrapped the rope around your waist if you're not at the end, people, it ended poorly for one of the other competitors. After that unfortunate incident everyone sort of milled about looking guilty as if we had all somehow planned to injure someone. It was suggested that we move inside for a game of charades, next on the docket. Once inside, however, no one could think of a  way to assign a points system to charades so instead we just played Taboo. Here my partner Kendra and I BEASTED everyone else. There was no contest. We were incredible. We were the Usain Bolts of the competition. We did a "this doesn't count for us" round and STILL beat everyone. Nicky had joined us by this point and was starting to campaign for us to get ready to go to dinner. Not before the water balloon toss Nicky!

The water balloon toss was an epic fail for me. Two rounds and both times Nicky and I were the second people out. Oh well. I played a "this doesn't count" round with another girl and had the water balloon explode on me, that was when I knew Dorm Olympics had come to an end.

Before we could leave, however, we had to go to the awards ceremony. A really pathetic gathering of the 8 people left in the corner of the Campus Center. Here is where the praise was handed out. Somehow I managed to gather 7 medals. I don't remember participating in 7 events, but I was told that i not only participated but EXCELLED in 7 different events. As quite possibly the only member of Rockefeller dorm that participated (save for two frosh who played Guitar Hero) I managed to get us a second place finish. After collecting my 7 medals we were informed that there were Chocotacos in the cooler next to us, leading to a massive hog pile of people grabbing for Chocotacos (background: they used to give us Chocotacos in the dining hall before we became poor. Now they are rarely brought out on super special occasions). They truly are the greatest ice cream novelty.

Nicky and I walked back to Rock, my medals clanging with every step. My arms full of ice cream novelties, as I was told to "take as many as I'd like". I held my head up high and smiled as if I had just won gold in Beijing. Nicky laughed "It's really not hard to please you, is it?", she wondered. I shook my head "No, it really isn't. Just tell me I did something well and I'll be happy" I replied. Nicky quietly nodded before saying "Seriously, take a shower, your hair smells awful". 

And yes, before you ask, I am fully aware that if I went anywhere other than Bryn Mawr I would be beat up in a second. I find joy in the little things in life....most find it endearing.