What I said/what I wish I had said

I'm "proctoring" exams right now. Bryn Mawr uses the word proctor differently than most colleges. Usually a proctor is someone who polices the exam room keeping an eye out for cheaters. Here the proctors main duty is to direct people to the bathroom or call the nurse if they get sick. It's a great study opportunity, although thats not working out for me right now as I'm on exam return duty...and the renaissance choir has decided to practice in the Great Hall. They're lovely, but distracting. ANYWAY! The post-bacs taking their exams crack me up. They want to make sure they do everything right, so they ask a million questions to make sure they don't break the honor code. A lot of them had "honor codes" at their previous colleges that...weren't honor codes at all. I'm going to say this, if someone has to sit in a room and watch you take an exam, then they don't trust  you. Here is an interaction I had with one of them as she was picking up her exam and as she dropped it off. Here is also a conversation I wish I had had with her.

What I said

-Which room do I take this in

-Whichever room you want

-Well which one do you like

-Uhh....Taylor G

-Alright, now how do I get there

-Uhhh.....just go in and sit down somewhere

-But what if I pick the wrong room

-You'll be fine

-Who will collect my test

-Just bring it back here

-Really? I can take it there and bring it back....no one will worry that I cheated?

-Do you plan to cheat during the 100 feet between the buildings?

-NO!

-Well then.

*later on*

 

-My exam was missing the honor pledge, do you have an extra one I can sign?

-What?

-The pledge that I have to sign saying I didn't cheat?

-We trust you

-What?!?!

-Did you cheat?

-NO!

-Well then, can I have your test please

-Let me just take a moment to look it over

-ehh...I'd prefer if you didn't. That's a grey territory of cheating...

What I wish I had said

-Which room do I take this in

-The basement of Erdman

-Well which room do you like?

-Taylor G

-Alright, now how do I get there

-Take the blue bus to Haverford and catch the hot air balloon shuttle to the other side of campus

-But what if I pick the wrong room

-Then I will have no choice but to take you to the honor board

-Who will collect my test

-Public Safety, bring it to their building

-Really? I can just take it there and bring it back....no one will worry that i cheated?

-You seem awfully jumpy for someone who claims they're not going to cheat. You're going to cheat aren't you!

-NO!

-You're going to have to come with me. 

*later on*

-My exam was missing the honor pledge. Do you have an extra one I can sign?

-Oh sweet Jesus why didn't you tell us sooner? You're sure it didn't have a pledge?

-The pledge that I have to sign saying I didn't cheat?

-YES! THAT PLEDGE! Now we have to invalidate all exams being taken right now and start again, we're going to be here until 1 am now.

-What!?!?!?!?

-Are you sure you didn't just throw it out after you cheated? You had guilt issues turning one in  after you had cheated so you threw it away..didn't you!!?!?!?!

-NO!

-Fine, just fill this one out while no one's looking. Quick, quick, quick, I could get fired for this

-Let me just take a moment to look it over

-Oh that's it, let's go, honor board, stat.

Hey there thesis...I'll finish you sooner or later...