Tool Update

My Penn class is just full of underrated hilarity. I've narrowed the tools that come to that class down to two. Tool number 3 and 4 I believe. Tool number 1 has stopped coming to class. Tool number 2 is actually just a lazy guy who wears dirty shirts and ripped jeans and tool number 5 is actually really attractive when he takes his glasses off.

Tool number 3 was the one that showed up to class that first night in a blazer and khakis. Tool number 4 was the one that I enjoyed because he panicked and shouted out "FIRE TRUCK" when asked a question. He has joined his partner in toolishness and now shows up to class wearing a blazer and khakis. They also wear matching fraternity pins. When questioned about their outfits they simply responded that it was "formal Tuesday". Well then. 

As I was getting ready to go down to class yesterday I noticed that it was the night of the Penn-Princeton basketball game. It's no secret to anyone that reads this blog that I have a strange love for Princeton basketball games. Not sure why, but it's always been something I have enjoyed. The Penn game is technically the biggest game of the season, so the fact that I forgot it was game day was a bit surprising. The idea that I was going to be pretending to be a Penn student while this was going on made me a little angry, so I threw on an orange shirt and black sweater just to piss some people off. 

I got to class and sat down, no one even noticed me let alone my color choices. I figured as much, this is a very prissy class. Then our favorite tools walk in. Tool number 4 is wearing a blue blazer and red pants, Penn colors. He goes over to his seat across the room and casually glances over at me. All of a sudden I hear a thud as his backpack hits the ground hard. I look over and he's staring at me with a look of disgust. I make eye contact and smirk. This makes him even more angry as it became clear that I was not wearing these colors by accident. He hits his little buddy and motions to me and mutters "what the fuck". I turn my attention to the front of the room, just play it cool. Orange and black might not be the coolest color combination, but at least I'm not wearing red pants. 

My "professor" (this is in quotes because he still hasn't even bothered to learn our names and hasn't actually revealed his credentials yet other than the fact that he's a member of the Screen Actors Guild) got things started and out came the laptops. I had noted in the beginning of the class that a couple of people brought their laptops and that they were all brand spanking new macs. Five weeks into the term there are now 11 laptops...ALL BRAND NEW MACS. My year old mac would be considered extremely out of date in this class. The best is that the room is surrounded by large windows and at night the light from the computers reflects off of them. So the "professor" is able to see that 11 of his students are watching tv and checking their e-mail throughout class. Another reason I would hate to be a professor.

Across the room I see tool number four pull out a laptop. He hasn't brought a laptop to class all semester. I realize that he's planning on following the game and that I can sort of see his laptop through the reflection on the window. Score. We still have an hour until the game begins, so tool number 4 and I have to pay attention. 

I enjoy Penn classes because the topics are always so different and more practical than what we get at Bryn Mawr. I hate Penn classes because sometimes they are really just 3 hour long trivia sessions. The Penn kids will throw out random trivia facts about the subject at hand, so while it seems like they're really intelligent and involved in the conversation, they're actually just really damn good after going to trivia night at the bar for the past 4 years. Screw this, I know a HUGE amount of trivia, I'm going to get in on the fun. 22 years of listening to OMP, a Penn alum and thus a master at trivia, has left me with some good "did you know" information. My "professor" asked us where the original Levittowns were and after someone said "New York and Bucks County" I was able to blow everyone away with "And of course New Jersey, but that's now Willingboro". BAM! Cue awe and amazement. I can play your games.

I give a glance to tools number 3 and 4. They're motioning towards me and my friend Ari and writing notes to each other. We do the same for them. I wonder if they're writing about what tools Ari and I are. Ari writes a quick note that next week we will have to come dressed up like them, I'm so excited. 

"Professor" then pops in a video made by the Philadelphia Planning Commission in the early 1960's that describes their plans for the complete redevelopment of the city. To my utmost delight the first person to pop up is Edmond Bacon, previously mentioned in my documentary night recap of "My Architect". Ed Bacon is without a doubt my current hero. According to OMP he was also a good friend of my grandfather, henceforth referred to as VOMA (Very Old Man Al). I literally squeal with delight, much to Ari's delight. Totally awesome video that details every change that we now know today. A really interesting look at the plans for Penn Center which completely failed. The shopping esplanade is now just a Popeyes and a newstand. The open air cafes are walled off so that the homeless can't sleep there. Really just a fascinating look at the plans for Philadelphia. Also some cool shots of Society Hill before the redevelopment, that place really was a dump. 

I notice that it's 7 o clock and look over to tool number 4. He is looking at me with a look that definitely says "Bring it". I crack up. He looks embarrassed that I caught him staring me down. I wonder if he knows we're the only two people who don't actually play the game that still seem to have interest in this rivalry. I try to peer into the window behind him to catch the reflection of the scores, but tool number 3's enormous head is in my way. Dammit, foiled again. He catches me looking right behind him, he seems creeped out that I'm staring at him but not making eye contact. Understandable. 

I bring my attention back to the professor, occasionally stealing glances at the tools to try and judge how the game is going by their reactions. About 15 minutes after the game begins I see their faces start to mold into looks of disgust and horror. SCORE. I will later find out this was when Princeton was up by 10. The professor lets our class out and I head over to my friends house for dinner and television. I assume that since the tools looked so disgusted everything was going great for me, so I settled in for 3 hours of Housewives of Orange County and New York.

An hour in I get a text from my mom informing me of Princeton's loss. Balls. At least I won the battle, we'll see who eventually wins the war. I didn't have time to be concerned, however, Jill had given an interview to the NY Post trashing Simon, husband of Alex and I needed to make sure that they would all still be friends in the end. Cable TV, my one true love.