Doc Night: In Which My Innocence is Destroyed

10:00-Time to begin Doc Night. The TV room is currently occupied by a student group watching the movie "Pedro" on MTV. "Pedro" is a dramitization of the life of Real World star and AIDS activist Pedro Zamora. Judging by the reactions of everyone who just left the room, it was not an uplifter.

10:04-Ari will be showing a few episodes of  "This American Life". I am opposed as it is not technically a documentary, but rather a...television show? She couldn't find the DVDs and almost showed "The Kid Stays In the Picture" which we had vetoed earlier. Paige threatened her and made her walked in the rain to the video store to get the DVDs. I'm still skeptical.

10:08-Nicky demands to know the story behind "Two Girls, One Cup". We're not getting into that. We shut that one down pretty fast.

10:11-"There's not much to say about This American Life" Outrage, "BOOOOO!" "TERRIBLE SPEECH!". NOT A SPEECH! We are NOT impressed. "Drew said: Yea, I'd like to see that". 

10:12- I'm skeptical and I don't like the way this is going.

10:13- The Real World is on TV and Megan doesn't want to see it yet so she's covering her eyes and screaming. Ari can't figure out how to work the tv

10:14-HOLY SHIT THERE IS PORN ON THE TELEVISION! THERE! IS! PORN! I SWEAR TO GOD THERE IS PENIS AND BOOBS AND A MAN IN A MUSTACHE!

10:15-Ari claims its an "April Fools Joke" and the movie is called "My Stepfather Made Me Do It" We are all stunned, horrified, and shaken up. No one really knows what's going on. 

10:16-Ari made Drew open a movie store account just to rent porn. He's now on their "sketch" list. 

10:17-After we all settle down Ari sets to work putting "This American Life" in. I do not like the way tonight is going. Ari did not think about what episode she wanted to watch.  She decides to start off with....nope, she still isn't able to decide on one. Alright, we're watching "Growth Spurt".

10:18-I don't even know what's going on here. 

10:19-Oh no, this is an episode about a woman who does comedy about how her husband died on September 11th. 

10:20-The subtitles are on and they are terrible. It's like a 4 year old wrote them. Every word is misspelled or has random apostrophes in it.

10:24-Apparently old people are making a movie for Sundance? I really have no idea where we're going with this one.

10:25-Nicky: That cat looks like my dads cat. Paige: What? Nicky: I'M NOT KIDDING!

10:28-Ira Glass thinks he's Werner Herzog. You, Ira, are no Werner.

10:29-Alright, here is what I've gathered. An old folks home is making a movie to submit to Sundance. Their female lead is about 90 and their male lead cannot speak English. Also....the movie seems to suck.

10:32-Oh jeez, there is a fire at the old folks home. 

10:34-Old man painting nudes. Apparently porn is the theme of the night

10:40-uh, we're pretty sure they didn't make it to Sundance...but apparently we've moved on to another story...

10:41-Oh god, a girl is reading from her "8th grade public school diary". This.Is.Painful.

10:42-Rape joke. 

10:44-Cocaine, not just a study aid anymore

10:45-I do not understand what just happened. 

10:47-Uh, new episode? About....god knows what.

10:48-A man's wife died and he's creating a hang out in his wifes mausoleum. 

10:50-Apparently we're exploring stories of "stubborness" this week

10:52-This 14 year old boy has decided to never fall in love. Alright, good for you, let's move on. No? We're not moving on? Kill me now. 

10:53-I zoned out but the boy just called someone Hitler.

10:55-There is nothing I hate more than pretentious 14 year olds. I cannot stand kids who think they are "wise beyond their years". Probably because I was one and I now realize I was a complete douche.

10:56-"If I ever find a portal into another world, then it might be worth it". I also hate people who search for portals into other worlds. Mainly because I'm terrified one day they might actually find one.

10:58-"Do you love your parents" "Nah, not really". I think I really just hate 14 year olds.

11:00-The boy talks to himself 10 years in the future and tells him(self) that if he succumbs to barbaric pleasure then he will see (himself) IN HELL". 

11:01-Ok, we're on to some politician here....who refuses to lie?

11:02-"I've had an affair, I've been in a polygamous marriage, I've had gohnerrea 5 or 6 times, I've had herpes for 3 years, I've done cocaine, heroin..." For the record, the reporter only asked if he had had an affair.

11:05-This guy just called me an idiot for liking my country. In the words of Nicky, Idontlike'em

11:10-New story? Someone's in the water.....

11:12-Ok, a documentary photographer who takes pictures of really depressing topics.

11:17-New episode? I don't know how much more I can take....we're discussing peeing on the bus right now.

11:19-Oh good, now we're cloning bulls....how the heck are these things related

11:20-Aw, Chance, the kind hearted bull has died

11:21-"I was going to take pictures but I said no, he deserves better than that so I skinned him" and they now keep him in a box in the closet. What. The. Hell. 

11:22-Ari: When I die you are all to skin me.

11:23-The new cloned bull is called...wait for it....think about it...come on, you know it...."Second Chance".

11:26-The cloned bull attacked. Apparently clones are NOT exact replicas of the original. WHO KNEW?!?!?!?!?

11:29-Another bull attack. Look, I know it's not funny....but....LEARN YOUR LESSON! 

11:30-Apparently as a result of the attack the man needed 80 stitches to repair and torn scrotom. We all wince. Drew shouts out "None of you truly understand". It was awkward, to say the least. 

11:33-Oooo, a story about ImprovEverywhere. I love them

11:36-ImprovEverywhere arranges for fake fans to show up for this band that has no fans

11:41-"He'd been made fun of so much as a kid, that he never really got over it"....whoops. Apparently the band did not appreciate it

12:00-Final thoughts? Eh. Too mishmashed and confusing. I'm not a fan.